Pregnant Women and Babies

At the end of the day

2012-02-16T22:20:00.002-07:00

Another mom made a broad comment awhile back that has been ruminating in my mind for some time. She mentioned that she's frequented a number of mommy blogs that present as a picture perfect picture of parenthood, or mommy-hood specifically. What she was reading was Mary Poppins perfect mothers who never have struggles or problems as mothers and love expanding the family numbers quickly.

I assured her that these people weren't being completely forthcoming. I cannot speak on each person's behalf. But, I can certainly share from my life.

For those of you out there in the world, in cyber space, where ever you are, checking in here, on my blog, my confession is this: my life is anything but perfect. Especially as a mother. I am the mother of a brood of four children, five years old and under. Brood or not, parenthood is no easy breeze.

That's not to say I am not grateful I am a mother. Wouldn't take it back, not for a moment. Wouldn't redo any one of my children.

***

But take today for instance. This day was set a few months ago for my eldest, my five year old, to get a cavity taken care of. She's my ultra-sensitive child. I've know for many months that she has had this cavity, and it has only gotten worse with passing time.

A combination of factors prevented us from getting this tooth taken care of sooner. Couldn't even get past a well-check without a total freak-out melt-down. She responded as if the world were ending. As if we were pulling her hair out one strand at a time. Without a well check, we couldn't get any problems fixed. This particular pediatric dental center booked months in advance.

Anyways, I spent the better part of the day getting this dental stuff taken care of. We were on the road at 8:15 this morning. Didn't get back until 1:30 this afternoon. Loads of dramatic, emotional stuff in between. My daughter freaked out at the dentist checking her heart and lungs with the stethoscope. My daughter pleaded and got crazy scared getting her blood pressure checked. But, all these prayers my friends have been lifting up were answered, because patience prevailed on my part; I stood or sat by my daughter's side and supported her through her anxiety and fear, even with the twins in tow.

I was warned by the pediatric dentist that at any step of the way, if things didn't work out - the partial sedation of choice or the actual dental work itself - the next step would be to use general anesthesia. The sedation method of choice wouldn't knock her out, just calm her down. There was a chance that she could still freak out as they worked on her.

I could only stay with her until the sedation kicked in at a level where they could work on her tooth. The dentist wasn't sure what needed to be done - a filling or a crown - because my five year old couldn't cooperate on getting bite-wing x-rays taken.

***

While waiting in the waiting room and pacing the parking lot with the twins, I hoped that passing time meant that the procedure was going well. There was a happy ending to this story. That little tooth was fixed, and my five year old survived that event.

Had to have a root canal and a crown. My five year old.

For being courageous, I promised her frozen yogurt from Yogurtland. I made sure she knew how proud of her I am. Loads of words of praise, lots of special time with me, and a treat.

***

I am utterly physically and emotionally exhausted. I still remember my bad pediatric dental experience, even though it wasn't exactly yesterday. I can imagine adding a sensitive personality to the mix only complicates matters exponentially. So, as a mother, I've been very much on edge.

But, I've been one hungry bear, eating, eating, and eating. No, not comfort eating. Ravenously hungry. Now that I've temporarily satisfied that voracious hunger, I shall nurse the twins and pass out. Peace out.

A mere mirror reflection

2012-02-03T13:09:00.002-07:00

2012-1-27

Both twins have been enjoying their reflections and getting a huge kick out of seeing themselves in the mirror. I doubt they have the ability to tell that they're looking at their own reflections, but the important note is that they're entertained.

Rodeo days

2012-02-01T22:35:00.006-07:00

The older two children have their own horses. Isabella made hers, on the left, last year in preschool. Victoria made hers this year, also in preschool. Christine and Annie are the horses' names. I believe Christine was chosen well before I was pregnant or knew names for the twins. Isabella knew that one of best friends is Christine. As for Victoria, she chose to name her horse after her best friend.

2012-1-25

Though the horses aren't wild and nothing is being done to them to react wildly, but the horses are no longer lone horses. And, they have enthusiastic riders.

2012-1-25

Giddey-up horseys!

2012-1-25

Taking 3 to beat a 3 yr old at completing a puzzle

2012-01-22T21:37:00.010-07:00

Three ladies heard about a three year old who completes puzzles. Puzzles that aren't rectangular or easy to do. Puzzles that are less than obvious.

2012-1-16

And these ladies set out to beat this three year old.

2012-1-16

Worked fast and furiously, they did.

Just as the three year old does, they took on the challenge of not turning to the box (or the photograph on the box) for help.

2012-1-16

Here is their opponent, the three year old.

2012-1-17

Here is the three year old with her favorite puzzle.

2012-1-17

Who ended up winning?

2012-1-17

At 3 months

2012-01-12T08:38:00.003-07:00

2012-1-1

On January 1st, my twins turned 3 months old. My intent was to take photographs of both of them. But that didn't happen. That they were both not crying or wanting something or other didn't seem to happen at the same time.

Happy 3 months babies.

Nursing twins and eating like two growing teenagers

2012-01-08T17:58:00.005-07:00

A few hundred calories per nursing babe, on top of what a person's supposed to consume on a daily basis, is what a nursing mom needs to take in.

Of course I knew what those words meant. I've been speaking English since, well, since language started departing from my lips. I have even spent a majority of my life in school, well beyond undergraduate schooling. But those words carried new, very personal meaning once I became a mom nursing two babies.

Imagine two growing teenagers in a household. Heck, imagine two growing teenage BOYS eating ravenously. That's me. No, I am not a boy. And no, I am not a teenager. Just trying to eat enough for two twins and me.

I out-ate everyone at the Thanksgiving meal, including an ex-marine. Not joking. Not exaggerating. At Christmas, I could compete with a guy in the navy. He's much taller than I am.

I add heavy whipping cream to my tea.

I need full meals, not just snacks, every two to three (though I'm suffering if I wait until three) hours. My body needs 32 oz of water every two hours.

The results? Twins that were born at 7 lbs 9 oz and 6 lbs 14 oz are now (3 months later) 8 lbs 14 oz and 11 lbs, respectively.

Make no mistake. Nursing is not for those who are stingy or forgetful with food, caloric intake, and water consumption. It's a job, requiring deliberate, consistent, frequent attention and activity (eating, drinking, and resting).

Too busy? Nah. Not for something as beneficial as nursing, for all parties involved. Too busy and too much of a bother?

Come on. I'm a mother of four children, five years old and under. I am the day-time nanny, I am the night time nanny, I am the house keeper, I am the laundromat, I am the chauffeur, I am the cook. You get the idea, right? Cry me a river. No, I get it. I feel overwhelmed sometimes. All the time. But, I am here to say nursing is doable. One can nurse, even if super busy. Nursing twins takes work, hard work.

That being said, I'm off to eat, eat, eat. Where is my heavy whipping cream?

***

P.S. I should clarify that nursing isn't somehow an excuse to eat everything without exercising discretion. I don't gorge myself on junk food and "bad foods." Though there is permission to eat much more, making wise choices can still be very important.

I was within one pound of my pre-pregnancy weight 2 weeks post-partum. Might have been due to a variety of factors, but I chalk part of the weight-loss influence to nursing.

Monkeying around

2011-12-30T23:02:00.014-07:00

We had an engagement with another mother of twins. She also has B/G twins, but hers are 3 yrs old, while mine are not yet 3 months old.

This place was sensory overload for me. But, apparently my two older children and her kids were having a blast.

2011-12-30

Loads of jumping, laughing, running. One moment here, one moment there. Where have they disappeared?

Oh, and here's one of Jen's twins: Ada.

And her brother, Logan.

I'm beginning to realize that once the twins are no longer sitting in infant car seats, sharing a stroller, not so many people will stop dead in their tracks asking whether I have twins. Perhaps, at some point, people will think I have one set of twins instead of two?

When I snapped a couple of pictures of Logan, I heard a little voice of my oldest, but I couldn't locate her. She said she was hiding.

Where are you?

Ohhhhh. There you are, silly.

2011-12-30

Didn't seem to wear them out much. Came home longing for rest not to be had. But, we had wonderful friends who lent helping hands. Christian with Christian.

2011-12-30

Francesca with Christine.

Good friends, long time friends, true friends

2011-12-21T17:01:00.003-07:00

2011-12-4

Today, perhaps because I'm feeling a bit blue,

or perhaps because we have all been taking turns having a stomach bug that's been going around all over the country,

or maybe because a snow storm is hitting us here right now and I did too much grocery shopping in preparation for it,

or maybe I just love my friends ever so dearly and want to acknowledge them;

I miss you so very much.

Most recently amongst my long-time friends, Haiying and Karen (in the photograph above) visited, affectionately known as Auntie Haiying and Auntie Karen to my children. We've known each other a very long time now. That they came to see me through the thick in their own busy lives already warmed my heart.

One of many examples: Auntie Karen was an amazing auntie to the older two, allowing them to play rough with her. Auntie Haiying, on the day she left, rose early to help Isabella get ready for school and give Victoria her breakfast. Moved me deeply.

Winner of Kenzie's Bow Hat

2011-12-15T22:05:00.003-07:00

I had said I would announce the winner this past Monday, and it is now Thursday. My apologies.

The winner of Kenzie's Bow Hat is: AmandaBedanda

E-mail me @ lilliput_tigerlily@yahoo.com with your mailing address and the head circumference (size) of the little one's head for whom the hat is to be given.

The twins at 2 months

2011-12-07T19:38:00.004-07:00

Thursday of last week, the 1st, my babies, the twins, turned 2 months.

Saturday, Karen (my college roommate and dear friend) and I slid our way to the pediatrician's office for the twins' wellness check. We won't talk about my panic driving on very slippery ice (how could I maintain my cool when I was sliding in the ever so small attempt to go from 0 mph to 5 mph?!), stopping in the middle of a more major road, and having Karen (who drove in Boston on a regular basis when attending Harvard Divinity School) take over driving.

Both babies are doing well. Although I must say, in terms of weight and size, Christian isn't looking so much like a newborn these days; he went from the birth weight of 6 lbs and 14.5 ounces to over 10 pounds!

Nursing exclusively. Takes work from all concerned parties. I have to eat and drink extremely regularly to keep up breast milk production. Something is going well, otherwise Christian wouldn't still be gaining loads of weight, even though he's spitting up enough to compete with Niagara Falls.

2011-12-1

I must confess, seeing the twins sleep, catching their scents, witnessing their smiles, watching them fidget, hearing them sneeze all make me swoon. Or perhaps drip breast milk.

2011-12-1

Taking care of twins takes no small amount of effort, time, and work. Who are we kidding, taking care of four children, five years old and under, requires super human effort. But, I love all my munchkins and I'll do it!!

Kenzie's Bow Hat Giveaway

2011-12-07T18:01:00.006-07:00

Photograph taken by Brittany Baker

The maker of this adorable little hat, Brittany Baker, has donated this as a giveaway prize. There are two conditions for being entered into the (random) drawing for this hat:

1. visit Brittany Baker's etsy shop: Brookeleigh Grace.
2. leave a comment on this blog post, sharing your favorite Brittany creation.

The opportunity to be entered into a drawing for this hat ends on Sunday, December 11, 2011, at 11:59 Pacific Time. Only one entry per person; don't make me open a can of whoop on you for not abiding by that. If you recommend someone else to this blog post and they enter, you may have an extra entry into the drawing. I am willing ship anywhere, I believe, not just within the United States.

I plan on announcing the winner by Monday afternoon.

***

Tis the season of giving; billions of dollars projected to be spent this holiday season says so.

I am motivated to help support local effort, instead of buying stuff made in some third world country where we might not know who is making the stuff (a child?) or whether that person has a choice in the matter (forced labor?).

Brittany's creations are excellent gift ideas, and the prices are affordable. Treat your child(ren) to these handmade creations. She plans on making hats for little boys as well. If you have any hat or hair accessory ideas that you'd like to see made, but are not on her etsy site, I'd encourage you to contact her. Or buy some gifts for friends or family with little ones. And, support a family's efforts!

Twins are more common than I realized

2011-12-01T18:19:00.005-07:00

In primary school, I remember girl twins - Sharon and Karen - who, I am pretty sure, were identical twins. Since then, I have met twins or heard of twins off and on but have formed the general impression that twins are more the exception than the rule. From the time I've been pregnant with twins, I no longer believe twins or multiples to be as in rare form as I once thought. All kinds of people, young and somewhat older, have come out of the woodwork to tell me that they have had twins or that they are twins themselves. A few days ago, I was at Target doing my weekly shopping, and a stranger saw me with my twins and said that she is a twin herself. Still close with her twin brother, but they don't live close to each other. All of the sudden, I am welcomed and ushered into an otherwise unknown (to me anyways) world of multiples. I'm in.

These are a couple of twins from Victoria's preschool class. Michael and Geovanni. To Victoria, it is obvious who is who. Not so obvious to me. I'm told that children somehow have a gift at telling apart identical twins that fewer adults are able to do.

2011-11-16

Then the wonderful mother of these twins has taken me under her wing and has been looking out for me. Parenting one newborn has its own struggles, especially for a firstborn. Parenting multiples, however, I must say, made rearing challenges exponentially more challenging and difficult, especially when I already have two other small children. All this is to say, I am ever grateful for the helping hands, including Jen's, wrapping around me, around us. Meet Ada and Logan, girl-boy twins.

2011-11-26

Growing up too fast, the twins

2011-12-01T09:20:00.000-07:00

I'm smitten. Totally smitten. Yes, yes, I am aware that these smiles are involuntary. Still, be still my heart.

Though I am sleep deprived with newborns (and a three year old and a five year old), I feel like the twins' newborn period is flying.

2011-11-25

They smile.

They coo.

2011-11-25

They try to hold their head up and look, when held upright.

They can turn their heads.

A few times, they have flipped from their stomach to their backs.

Are the twins alike or not?

2011-11-16T21:44:00.004-07:00

2011-11-11

I've had countless number of people coo (we're talking about grown people here) at the sight of my twins, and I've also experienced many people tell me how cool it'd be to have twins. Regarding the latter, I'm thinking to myself, really?! Are you dreaming, perhaps in a different galaxy?

Try being pregnant with twins. You think being pregnant with one child is laborious; try multiples. Are you swooning at the mere idea or novelty of twins? Try taking care of them all day, every day. Or, try taking care of twins, in addition to being responsible for other children.

I do love my twins; make no mistake of that. Not a day goes by that I am not thankful the Lord blessed me with these twins (or my two older children, for that matter).

***

Christine and Christian joined us, outside the womb, in the the world, a short month and a half ago. Yet, they are showing such differences in personality. Christine came into the world quite; not a cry came out of her. I didn't know babies could come into the world without a cry. She is still the more peaceable, calmer child. Christian came into the world screaming his head off. He more easily startles and gets agitated. When he's not happy, he cries like the universe is ending. But look at the sleeping position they both are exhibiting in this photograph. That was not staged, folks. That was their doing. Happy twinning.

Towards successful breasfeeding

2011-11-16T20:42:00.000-07:00

I've been breastfeeding exclusively the twins for over 6 weeks now, I breastfed my second oldest for 33 months (nearly 3 yrs), and I breastfed my oldest for 17 months.

I am not an expert, a healthcare professional, or a lactation consultant. I only have my experience from which to share.

From my little experience, as the milk truck I have been and am, breastfeeding is very doable but necessarily requires work. Like any decent and worthy job, successful breastfeeding requires dedication, no nonsense, time, and energy.

With twins, I've eaten amounts comparable to competitive athletes. Can't go long periods of time without eating or drinking. I'm talking about eating roughly five to six full size meals a day, with snacks in between. I've had to drink obscene amounts of water to keep up with breast milk production. My body lets me know in no uncertain terms when I haven't had enough water, including any of the following - dry lips, dry mouth, horrible headaches, Charlie Horses.

Pediatricians in the US encourage mothers to breastfeed for a year and sometimes claim that any benefits beyond a year are minimal. That's garbage. Pediatricians are trying to get mothers to last past 6 weeks, two months, three months, or half a year. The WHO (World Health Organization) encourages a minimum of two years of breastfeeding. I'm too tired and have too little time on my hands presently to accurately list many of the benefits to mother and child(ren), but there are quite a few. Do a little research or reading if you have the time. Perhaps I'll post about the benefits some time down the road, when my four children are no longer merely five years old and younger.

I'm setting my goal on breastfeeding my twins at least two years. Over and out.

Strapping twins to me

2011-11-06T19:16:00.007-07:00

I registered for this Moby Wrap, even though I have a sling and two carriers. My thought and intent was to find a way to strap both twins to me simultaneously. From experience with my previous two children, I thought that, at times, carrying them would be their preferred comfort source.

2011-11-2

I was less confident in whether I would make sense of any instruction on how to use a long piece of cloth. I searched, searched, searched for videos of someone strapping twins into a Moby Wrap. No such luck. Instructions that come in manual form? Not so good with me. I'm more of a visual learner when it comes to these sorts of things.

What ended up helping most was a combination of two videos on Moby Wrap's website: the wrapping folded method and the newborn hug hold method. This was the result.

I was so excited about using the wrap, the day I got it via UPS I washed it and tried it.

2011-11-2

I've used it many times since then, sometimes with one child inside and sometimes with two children inside.

2011-11-3

Looks like a tight squeeze with two, right? Well, it was tight quarters within my body as well.

Breastfeeding digest

2011-11-03T11:41:00.003-06:00

2011-10-25

So far, breastfeeding is going well. Colostrum had been in for awhile; it was ready to be consumed when the twins arrived in the world. My breast milk came in before I left the hospital. The transitional mixture of colostrum and breast milk came in within the first 48 hours of the babies' lives.

I started practicing tandem nursing while in the hospital, for the most part sitting up in the hospital bed. Tandem nursing with pillows and blankets for props, I must confess, was a bear; but I practiced mainly the football holds with the twins.

My plan after getting home was to tandem nurse during the day and nurse the twins one at a time overnight. At day two or three, my hemorrhoid pain came and came with a vengeance, to a point where I was in tears, whether standing, sitting, or laying down. Searing pain. Couldn't sit for a moment without wanting to die. During that time, I postponed sitting to tandem nurse. Took until the twins' third week of life for me to no longer be in indescribable hemorrhoid pain from delivering these babies vaginally and naturally into the world.

After the pain was tolerable, I resumed tandem nursing most of the day, which was good not only for saving time but for one of the twins as well. The girl twin was and still is a bit slower at vigorous sucking. By the end of her second week of life, she hadn't gained back her birth weight. Their pediatrician wasn't super concerned, especially since she became jaundiced after coming home. But, we needed to work some on her gaining weight.

Another positive aspect of tandem nursing? The more vigorous nurser makes the milk on the other breast come easily and readily.

These days, I'm eating like a football player and trying to drink loads of fluids. I'm worried about whether I'll be able to maintain my high food intake once my parents are gone, which is in less than a couple of days. Enter anxiety.

Up to this point, nursing is going well. Both babies (Christine and Christian) know how to latch and drink from the milk truck (that's me). Milk comes out of the twins both ways. When they spit up the milk, I remind them that was made using much effort on my part.

Will the twins be close?

2011-10-31T21:13:00.003-06:00

2011-10-24

They spent nearly 9 months next to each other, in utero. They root on each other, whether head, hair, hand, shoulder, or arm. One punches or hits the other while the other sleeps, and vice versa. But, they also nuzzle and love each other. Remember to love and nuzzle your loved ones; life is too short this side of heaven to not do that.

Nursing twins

2011-10-28T20:36:00.004-06:00

These days, much of my time is consumed in nursing, not the sort involved in the medical profession, the milk truck sort. I don't mind, really. Involves life long benefits, gifts, I want to give my babies.

This time around (in case you're new to this blog, I already had two children), with twins, I knew tandem nursing was the way to go. Made this decision when the twins were still in utero. Little did I know that one of the two would be a bit slower at latching and sucking. Having the two nurse at the same time has helped encourage that twin with the let down coming from the other twin nursing.

Another benefit of tandem nursing or nursing two simultaneously: I get an hour break between nursing sessions (instead of nursing non-stop).

One product that has been a huge help in tandem nursing, personally is: My Brest Friend's twins plus (nursing) pillow*. While sitting, I'm able to lay each twin on either side without worrying about a baby rolling off the pillow. With a few blankets propped under their heads, I can breastfeed relatively hands free. While I was at the hospital, I awkwardly used loads of pillows to make tandem nursing work.

Those who are working hard to make nursing work, whether nursing one or more, make sure to eat well, drink plenty of fluids, and sleep. It's hard work but well worth the effort.

*My Brest Friend does not know who I am. I'm not being given gifts, perks, or money to speak well of them or their products. I am providing my personal testimony.

Beautifying in an instant

2011-10-28T16:22:00.003-06:00

2011-10-19

These days, I sporting newborn spit up, drool, and likely poop. I've experienced my son's projectile pee whilst changing his diapers. A shower is a luxury I often do not get to enjoy but once a week. As a mother of four children five years old and under, I have a few moments to get ready. Being three and a half weeks post partum, finding articles of clothing that fit but don't accentuate my stretched-I've-had-three-children-skin is already challenging. But finding something decent to wear and being ready to go in a moment is all I've got.

Long story short, I do not have the resources - whether fabric or time - to look dainty and beautiful. Since I am not exactly a spring chicken and four babies later, I don't exactly have the knock-people's-socks-off body. So, accentuating with accessories, necklaces and hair pins, is my way of "dressing up."

A friend, whom I know from the seminary and from church, came back from vacation with a beautiful pin for me. Absolutely exquisite. I donned it this past Sunday, making me feel giddy and flowery. Thank you, dear Amy.

Helping

2011-10-28T15:40:00.002-06:00

2011-10-18

Part of bringing the family together, especially as the brood gets larger, is to involve family members in assisting. When the second oldest asks to help with one of the newborns, always find a way to answer in the affirmative. Yes! Your help, your company, is always needed.

That is not to say that a three year old has permission to pick up or hold one of the newborns.

But, there is so much the older child(ren) can do. Grab a diaper, get a burp cloth, hold a pacifier in place. The older siblings can also help soothe the younger ones by keeping company, singing, and other activities. Making the older ones feel needed and valued is of utmost importance.

Twins

2011-10-26T16:08:00.003-06:00

2011-10-15

Before these twins, we had two other children, one at a time.

Since having twins, along with two other children, I have long decided (in the 3 1/2 weeks the twins joined the world and the 8 1/2 months I was pregnant with them), I have quickly realized that:

nursing just one child is incredibly simpler,
getting two newborn babies to sleep and stay asleep for more than three seconds is a bear,
maintaining any supply of diapers with twins is a laugh,
finding time to eat, sleep, or drink involves stealing some time to do these things when a child doesn't notice . . .

I'm wondering how or why I ever complained about the difficulties of taking care of only one baby. Cake.

***

On a serious note, I am not laughing or mocking those who struggle with taking care of their first born or one child. That can be very challenging. For some, the first child joining a formerly childless family or couple brings more marital strife than any subsequent matter; parenthood is not a light or simple matter.

***

Back to the matter at hand, how do I take care of twins and two older children, when sleep is in low supply? Last night was just such a night. Besides waking to nurse, the twins didn't sleep well and kept me groggily awake. We'll talk about survival on little sleep another time. I'll probably be complaining, I mean blogging, about it quite a bit.

Figuring quality time

2011-10-25T13:01:00.006-06:00

Since fairly early on in parenthood, I gleaned wisdom from a mother of five young children the importance of spending specifically designated quality time with each child. Each child, she explained, should have a unique activity with the parent that the other children do not share. At the time (and now), I thought, that's a good idea.

As I struggle to balance time amongst the little persons in my brood, especially since two are newborn and since my parents are here for a bit more time, I want to carve out time or activities for the older two children individually, even if there are limitations beyond our control. Given the constant needs of newborns, the twins take much of my time nursing, changing diapers, and soothing. During this newborn period, especially during this newborn period, I do not want the older two to believe they are unimportant or forgotten. I'm really sensitive to that possibility, and I want them to know that I'm trying to tend to their other non-basic necessities.

So, here's the daughter, who up until less than four weeks ago, was the youngest child; but, now, she's the second oldest child. She and I went grocery shopping, and she got to choose which car she would drive.

2011-10-14

I'd say we faired decently. Here she is, on the same day, posing (of her own volition; I did not tell her how to stand, let alone how to pose).

2011-10-14

Interestingly, my oldest is not as interested in riding the new tricycle she got for her birthday. Coloring, drawing, writing, and staying home (with me) are of more interest to her. But on one particular day, when I asked her whether she was interested in riding - just her and me, with no other siblings and no one else - she got very excited.

2011-10-15

I love my little darlings. How precious they are.

My hospital list

2011-10-14T08:01:00.001-06:00

Coming soon: my birth story with the twins, who were born October 1, 2011.

For now, I shall tease you with little pieces of information. . .

I carried my twins until 38 weeks and 2 days. 37 weeks, singleton or multiples is considered full term. I might have exploded had I carried to 40 weeks or more.

Here is what I ended up packing for the hospital -

Lily's Hospital Bag contents:

2 cameras - if you don't already know this already, I am a photographer, not by trade but by interest. I couldn't possibly be entirely at the mercy of others to have decent photographs taken.
1 outfit for each baby to wear when going home: hat; one-piece, long-sleeve, long-pants clothing, socks. Wish I had remembered mittens/gloves - something to cover their little hands - so they wouldn't use their long nails to scratch themselves crazy.
1 outfit for me to wear home: a top and a bottom that I would wear at approximately 6 mos of pregnancy, a nursing top, a pair of underwear (nothing new or fancy).
some food, just in case I was hungry, that I wouldn't mind throwing up during labor and delivery: gummy bears, Jelly Belly sours, saltine crackers.
a journal/signing book, where visitors could leave comments.
iPod touch - I had planned on listening to music and perhaps looking at pictures; but my labor and delivery, including the time I was home, was less than two hours.
my cell phone and a charger - to keep people posted and to share the news.
insurance card and i.d. - for hospital registration purposes.
some toiletries - toothbrush, toothpaste, nice smelling lotion (after delivering and feeling gross, just wanted something refreshing), chapstick (laboring makes one's mouth dry)

The less to pack and take to the hospital, the less to worry about taking home. Really, one doesn't need that much at the hospital. Here's some of my reasoning for not taking other stuff:

Might as well wear the hospital gown and the make-shift, disposable underwear the hospital provides - no need to messy up my own stuff. Who's really going to care or remember what a mother-to-be did or didn't wear.
Don't need to bring pads for post-delivery - use what the hospital provides. After all it's covered or you're already paying for it.

Alright, I must stop here and send what I've written to cyberspace (because my twins are each, um, exercising their vocal chords) or this post might take a few years before it's sent. Ciao.

Full monty, at 38 weeks

2011-09-29T20:05:00.002-06:00

Ahem.

Thought you were going to see something perhaps? Sorry, no photographs to share or to show. Did not the photographs here shock you? They shocked me; they're still trying to resuscitate me, now.

***

I have been teeter-tottering on just how much information to share here, because I want to be real and I want to be helpful to moms or moms-to-be who are looking for details or sharing experiences.

***

I'm 38 weeks with twins today. I'm still pregnant; the babies are still camping out inside my body. Between Tuesday and yesterday, most if not all of my mucous plug came out; I'll try to spare you the long, stringy, sticky details. Nausea has come back strong, accompanying acid reflux, attempting to form a big bang of a most unwelcome party. To add to the party favors, my right side has been cramping strong, like a person who has been working too hard on a cardiovascular workout. And, when I stand too long, my lower extremities swell. I'm on the verge of having hemorrhoids. I shall attempt to spare you any more details. I have PUPPs, leaving me with extremely itchy skin all over my body. Can't walk for long periods of time; read the bit about standing too long. Need I say more?

Don't get me wrong, I am thankful I've been able to carry these twins this long without any complications or difficulties - without high blood pressure, without an incompetent cervix, without gestational diabetes, without preeclampsia, etc. I am thankful the babies have been growing well, amniotic fluid levels have been decent, etc. I am not overlooking any of that or neglecting to appreciate the significance of that.

I am just saying, if I'm keeping it real, I have crying moments, where I'm not feeling strong. But, babies, stay as long as you need. I'm praying the damage to my body isn't irreversible. And, I'm praying and hoping for a smooth, healthy, natural delivery of each of the twins.

Amen.

On the cusp of 38 weeks of pregnancy with twins

2011-09-27T14:45:00.005-06:00

Today, I am 37 weeks and 5 days with growing twins.

My appointments with the midwives are weekly. Had an appointment yesterday, at 37 weeks and 4 days. My midwife decided to check my cervix. First time I've been checked for dilation and such this pregnancy.

Those of you who are familiar with practices common to midwives, cervical checks and sonograms are not common, frequent practices. Every time a woman gets a cervical check, she is at risk for an infection and dilation isn't the most reliable predictor of when active labor will come.

When she started checking me, that was extremely painful. Yes, I am aware that that cannot compare with the pains of natural delivery (delivery without pain management or intervention, such as epidurals). Both of us, the midwife and I, were surprise by how far along I was. I was dilated 3-4 cm and 70-80% effaced. Being 3-4 cm dilated alone wasn't anything to get excited about, but being 70-80% effaced was something to note. My body's certainly preparing for delivery.

The midwife was so excited she started sweeping my membranes. Without asking ahead of time. I'm on a really great rapport with the midwives; when I voice concern or my opinion, they know I'm not yelling at them. I told the midwife that it would have been nice if she had warned me ahead of time what she was planning on doing or perhaps even ask. Sweeping my membranes was painnnnnnnnful.

She was very quick to offer a very sympathetic apology. She explained that she just got so excited. Excited about my body preparing for delivery. . .

My midwife said that sweeping my membranes could result in some cramping and perhaps some bloody (but hopefully not bright red) discharge.

***

I experienced neither cramping nor discharge yesterday.

By the way, a friend and neighbor was driving by and saw me. She inquired whether I was keeping a photographic journal of my changing pregnant appearance.

It's been a couple of weeks.

You should take a picture of how you look, now.

Okay.

So, I had my dad take some pictures.

Ready?
Are you really ready? Because I wasn't prepared for what the images would show me.

Still want to see? Prepared to be shocked?

This is me, pregnant with twins, at 37 weeks and 4 days.

2011-9-26

I don't own any full length mirrors. Usually I see my chest upwards. I have definite consequences I can feel from growing larger, such as having difficulties putting on underwear or pants, squatting, walking, etc. But the sheer appearance of my largeness has left me aghast.

We won't talk about the stretch marks I've accumulated on my belly. Or my skin being so loose post-partum, I'll have to pick my skin/flesh off the floor.

***

But this morning, I had experiences that could be interpreted as my body further preparing for delivery. I went to the bathroom several times, first thing in the morning, emptying my bowels. Every time I've gone to the bathroom, not just in the morning but throughout the day, portions of my mucuous plug have been coming out. Some of the early morning stuff was greenish brown mucus plug stuff. Literally, every time I've gone to the bathroom, more mucus plug has come out. How much is there?!

Haven't started having any painful labor contractions. That's been disappointing, not so much because I'm ready to get this over with (I am frightened about all the responsibilities that come with taking care of four children five years old and under) but because I have several people who are on-call vigilantly: my doula and some friends who will accompany me to the hospital or be by my side.

My prediction is that if this pregnancy remotely resembles the previous one, with a fair amount of my mucus plug out, painful labor contractions should start soon. . .

36 weeks and 4 days pregnant with twins

2011-09-19T22:45:00.003-06:00

I had better keep this short or nothing will end up getting posted.

I am 36 weeks and 4 days pregnant today. With fraternal twins.

People are continually surprised to see me still pregnant. And walking. And moving about.

I'm itchy all over my body. Again. Manda, you'll remember this issue that plagued me in my first pregnancy. Now I have a name for this pregnancy condition: PUPPs. A number of recommendations have been made to relieve these super itchy symptoms: taking an oatmeal bath, using hydrocortison (sp.?) cream, taking Benadryl. I tried taking an oatmeal bath yesterday. I was miserable, because I wasn't comfortable in a reclining position in the time (having two decent size beings inside my body towards the end of pregnancy) and I was also afraid I would be able to get out of the tub.

Am still regularly losing feeling in my left quadriceps while standing. Sitting doesn't necessarily relieve that.

Acid reflux is back with a vengeance, this time with stuff coming back up.

Charlie Horses are back during early morning hours if I am not consuming water throughout night time sleeping hours.

Sitting on the toilet is getting increasingly uncomfortable. Not only do I feel like a couple of watermelons are resting on my lap, but my nether regions - my labia and my anus - sometimes get swollen. Just from sitting. Or standing for that matter. Too much information? It's the truth.

Being on my feet too long or walking for any length of time can be painful in the nether region. My doula told me when that happens to lay on my left side and to elevate my right leg. I was trying to imagine doing that in the middle of Target when I was there over the weekend and this was happening.

I feel movement as high as right below my breasts, and I feel movement as low and as awkward a location as my pubic bone. Not joking. Yes, the twins are taking that much space and have taken over my body entirely.

I've got swollen legs and a swollen belly, from retaining water, a new pregnancy symptom for me.

Weird things are happening with my skin, besides the extreme itchiness. Like darkened pigmentation on certain parts of my body's skin: ankles, joints on the big toes, etc.

***

On the upshot, I've made it almost to full term. 37 weeks is considered full term. Just three days left to make that. But, by now, each twin should have the natural sucking reflex down. And each twin should be able to breathe on her and his own.

Each twin is a healthy size. When I had a growth sonogram done this morning, all the measurements, amniotic fluid, placentas look good. The girl's measuring approx. 7 lbs and the boy 6 lbs and 10 oz. By the way, in my personal experience, the sonogram weight has been off, with my previous pregnancies by about a pound or so, telling me the baby was heavier (via sonogram) than she ended up being in reality. Regardless, the babies are healthy weights.

I have at least two health care professional advocates who will help defend my birth plan: the midwifes and my doula. Lord willing, I am hoping for natural VBACs with each of the twins. . . I do not plan on letting anyone induce me, especially using something like pitocin (I think that is of the devil), unless you count nipple stimulation or walking.

Potty Training Update

2011-09-14T08:47:00.003-06:00

2011-9-8

This little girl of mine sometimes shows evidence of wanting to grow up quickly. One such piece is in the realm of potty training. Remember we started potty training awhile back? I guess the active potty training has lasted about a month. You're welcome to read about the last time I wrote a post about Victoria's potty training here.

Potty training seems to vary so much from circumstance to circumstance, person to person. Timing also plays a huge factor. If the time had been six months earlier, having or getting new panties was not a currency or a sell. But less than a month ago, getting new underpants definitely was a selling point for Victoria.

My attitude in potty training Victoria, who is a few months over 3 yrs old, certainly wasn't whatever goes. But, I also didn't pursue potty training as aggressively as possible. I'm not saying there is a right way and a wrong way for everyone to potty train. What I am saying is that I assessed how I would potty train, in part, by taking into account Victoria's personality and how she functions.

Some of the actions I followed in potty training Victoria included: having her sit on the potty as soon as she got up from sleeping and asking her to go frequently. In the more initial stages of potty training, I wasn't convinced that the process would be short. She didn't seem to show evidence of consistent bowel control, where she wouldn't leak in her diaper or underpants after a very brief period of time.

But, I worked with whatever spoke to her. Rapunzel underpants were huge. She liked them and not any other princess underpants or underpants in general. So, I informed her that she should take good care of them and not have accidents in them.

***

Up to this point in time, a few times, about a month ago, she would have little pee accidents in her underpants from time to time. But, after she converted to underpants, she was good about doing number two in the potty.

She wasn't intimidated by adult toilets or public toilets. Victoria would usually go and ask to go where ever and when ever I went. Keep in mind, I'm pregnant with twins; thus, my trips to the bathroom were and are quite frequent.

She doesn't always go to the bathroom and politely declines when others are caring for her, but she's kept her underpants dry for some time now. I haven't converted her out of diapers during sleeping time, for the most part, because she hasn't consistently kept her diaper dry and I'm not super eager to clean a mattress and wash a fitted sheet frequently.

Just a couple days ago, though, I started letting her sleep in underpants. And, she loves that she gets to do so for "big girl" reasons. We cheer, we get excited, and we talk about how she gets to wear underpants at nap time, because she keeps them dry and she's too big for diapers.

***

I can't tell whether any of what I'm saying makes sense. My brain has been like mush for a majority of this pregnancy. I apologize if what I have said is hard to follow. . .

What does the 11th hour of pregnancy look like with twins?

2011-09-07T14:40:00.003-06:00

My appointments with the midwifery group are weekly. We went from every three weeks to every week around the 32nd week of pregnancy.

Last week, given two things - my fundal height being as long as it was (44 cm) and how low the babies' heads are sitting (both are head to head) - she said to be prepared for the babies to come any time. I was 34 weeks last week.

Yesterday, when I went to see my midwife, the same midwife noticed a slight weight loss - about 1 pound. She said weight loss is typical as one's body is preparing for delivery. I'm 35 weeks tomorrow.

I'm fast coming to the conclusion she doesn't think I'll reach my due date of October 13th.

***

This afternoon, I felt the babies move just above or around my public bone. Really, really strange to feel movement there. I've also felt movement above my left pelvic movement, another place I'm not accustomed to feeling movement.

Taking advantage of the cooler weather, I made couple of things whilst Isabella was in school and Victoria was napping: cucumber salad and macaroni and cheese. I used rice vinegar, apple cider vinegar, sugar, and sea salt to make the cucumber salad. Something in one of the vinegars made me feel slightly like throwing up. Not much else, in the way of food, seemed tasty either. Then, I sampled the macaroni and cheese I made and baked. Didn't strike me well either. The girls are having it for dinner; we'll see if it's a pregnancy thing.

With the babies' movements in the nether regions and with the renewed distaste for food, could I be preparing for delivery? Intuitively, I don't feel as if my body is readying for delivery. But then again, I've had one (natural) vaginal delivery, and I haven't yet delivered twins.

Ideally, I'd like to make it past my birthday, minimally past what constitutes full term (37 weeks), and past the baby shower (on the 24th). I wouldn't be adverse to the babies coming after the 38th week (Sept. 29th is when I will be 38 weeks) or waiting until 40 weeks. Whatever is optimal for the babies' healthy and safe delivery and for a heartfelt desire for a safe and healthy vaginal delivery for me sounds splendid.

Wanting the twins to stay put despite discomforts

2011-09-05T14:23:00.003-06:00

2011-9-2

This was me, on Friday, at 34 weeks and 1 day.

Been difficult the last few days: Little energy. Left quadriceps, while standing, feeling like pins and needles. That pins and needles feeling lasts longer and longer. Acid reflux bad enough at times that stuff is coming back up. My right side sometimes has pain similar to overdoing cardiovascular workouts (e.g. running). I have a lot of trouble taking deep breaths. Sometimes, breathing in general is a bit of a struggle. I'm retaining water in my stomach and legs; that's a bit frightening to me, because the experience is new to me. Putting a hand on my leg and having my hand impression stay there for several hours is a bit unnerving, when that hasn't happened before. The index fingers on both hands randomly lock up, also a pregnancy with twins thing. I'm super sensitive to hot or cool temperatures. I've got weird bumps on the upper part of my quadriceps on both legs. Did I mention just how exhausted and tired I am a majority of the time?!

2011-9-5

Here I am at 34 weeks and 4 days.

Yet, I must say, that list is not meant to be interpreted merely as a laundry list of complaints. I cannot provide a satisfactory explanation to the audience how it is or why I am certain the Lord has specifically purposed the lives of these twins for our family. I just am. My desire is for the twins to stay within me as long as it takes for the them to be healthy and ready to survive in the world. Ideally, when they make their entrance into the world, they will each be a healthy size, be ready to breathe on the own, be able to fully engage the sucking reflex (breastfeed/nurse right away), not have any issues. Lord willing, I am also hoping for a natural, vaginal delivery of both twins, without complications for any of the three parties involved (each twin or me).

Please, babies, stay as you need to inside of me. So long as most of the damage to my body is temporary, I'll figure out a way to get by. Thrive and grow you little wonders.

34 weeks, adding more, making twins soar

2011-08-27T21:15:00.004-06:00

2011-9-1

34 weeks today, I am.

Pregnancy symptoms I experience are sometimes overwhelming:

Acid reflux, with stuff actually coming up.
Index fingers randomly locking.
Retaining water in my legs and on my belly (I didn't have swollen legs with my previous two pregnancies).
Feeling pins and needles in my left quadriceps when standing.
Difficulties taking deep breaths.
Tiredness and weariness that even caffeine can't curb.
Difficulty catching my breath when turning from one side to another whilst in bed.
The list goes on. . .

Yet, I've decided, so long as most of that damage is temporary, any added time that helps the twins thrive and grow,

will in the end, make me twirl and soar.

***

34 weeks am I today,
but the midwife did say.
Prepare yourself, they could come any day.

Between 2 and 3 pounds I have gained since last week,
may I not be dismayed
if it is growth that they seek.

My fundal height (44 cm) and the twins' position,
she says, could indicate,
time could be approaching to ready for some fun.

As for the particulars of the date,
only time will tell.

But when the painful labor contractions come,
my midwives will determine
whether the babies are getting ready or done.

Until then, I ask for 3 weeks to stay
please, to develop and grow in my belly.
Just wait until after my birthday,
and I'll get my hospital things and go readily.

Difficult adjustments to starting Kindergarten

2011-08-25T15:09:00.004-06:00

My baby, my first born, my Isaboo, my Booby-butt, my Bella.

The start at the faraway language-immersion charter school seemed as smooth as one could expect. A few minutes late that first day, but so were so many other families. Arriving, taking photographs, escorting little ones to class; loads of hustle and bustle.

First week went without a hitch. Isabella was so excited about attending this school, she politely asked me not to refer to her as Isabella but to her Chinese name that A-ma and A-gong had bestowed upon her: 張貝拉 or 张贝拉 (zhang bei la). The first character is taken from my side of the family, our last name. The second and third characters follow the sound of part of her English first name - Bella. She would sing songs she learned in school. She informed me that A-ma and A-gong are/were Nai-nai and Ye-ye, to which I carefully explained that it wasn't the case that one was right and the other wrong. A-ma and A-gong are Taiwanese terms or terms we use in Taiwan to refer to my parents, her grandparents. The other pair are Chinese terms used in China. She would proudly burst out to friends and family her Chinese name, even if they don't speak Chinese.

I have a Chinese name. It's 张贝拉 (zhang bei la) or 贝拉 (bei la).

***

But then, things started to fray at the seams.

At first, not utterly horrible. Friday of last week, the 19th, each teacher approached me, when I picked Isabella from school, informing me that she needed to practice writing. Not a complete surprise, since I had heard that from her preschool teacher towards the end of last school year.

The day before yesterday, I began wondering what was going on. . .

A different friend than usual picked Isabella up from school, and when we met up, she informed me that at when being picked up, Isabella said she needed to go to the potty. A moment later, it was too late. She wet her underpants and her skirt.

Yesterday afternoon, a church friend who has been so graciously been taking Isabella to school every day and taking her home most of the time brought her back. Isabella told me her bottom clothing was almost dry. She had another accident, this time whilst in class.

Strange occurrences, given she hasn't had accidents in a very long time. While in preschool, two days a week, last school year, she did not have one accident. None whatsoever.

This afternoon, around 1:45 pm, I got a call from her school's office. Isabella had had an accident. What? Again? After we had a long talk, trying to discern what was going on? We had talked about how accidents happen and they aren't necessarily bad. After much discussion and questioning, I found out that in some situations, she wasn't sure where the bathroom was and she was afraid of getting lost. My solution involved getting Isabella to ask the teacher to guide her to the bathroom. After all, having accidents isn't comfortable to one's body.

Well, this time, this accident wasn't #1. This involved #2. The drive to her school is 30-40 minutes one way.

***

When I voiced my bewilderment and confusion over how or why Isabella was having trouble three days in a row, since she's not had this struggle before, the school office informed me that such accidents or activity is typical in kindergartners.

The transition is tough. New environment, different people, varying expectations.

And, in Isabella's case, she's afraid of disappointing others and not getting teachers' approval. Furthermore, she's not be away all day, five days a week.

***

Unfortunately, tonight I had to go to her school for a parents' meeting, where children weren't invited or allowed. An information rich session about what the children are learning, what the structures are, and all the logistics. Isabella badly wanted to me to be with her.

I promised her that after she gets home from school tomorrow, I'll be at her side. Not going anywhere without her.

***

贝拉 darling, we'll work through this transition together. Hand in hand.

Expecting twins & things desired

2011-08-22T16:02:00.008-06:00

A number of friends have asked recently whether I will having a baby shower for the twins.

Not sure. Would seem rather awkward (at best) and rude to inquire. Only time will tell. Although, we could be running out of time, before the twins join us outside the womb. I'm 32 weeks and 4 days, today. With multiples, it is possible for me to deliver at 35 weeks. However, likelihood is a different question altogether - early, near or on due date, after due date. Anything is game.

For those who have asked, here are some wish-list items (stuff for the twins and for mommy included), in no particular order:

1. Bravado Designs Body Silk Seamless Nursing Bra - size medium; color - butterscotch

Bravado Designs nursing bras have been worth the investment. The Body Silk Seamless Nursing Bra has not only stood the test of time; but it has offered me support, helped me look presentable, and made for easy access to nursing. Regarding the test of time, I haven't stopped wearing nursing bras since December 2005, because I haven't stopped being pregnant or nursing since that time. That's a long, long time to be wearing nursing bras. Plus, I'd like to avoid saggy, droopy breasts or any bras that show my nipples; this type of Bravado Designs bra helps do the job.

Wow, the bra now carries a new, striking color: poppy. Kind of cool.

2. Moby Wrap 100% cotton baby carrier - color: red

With two children already, I am definitely sold on baby carriers. I started out with the Baby Bjorn, which I used to carry my first born exclusively. Isabella spent no small amount of time against my body in the Baby Bjorn. As she grew, my trapezius muscles grew quite sore.

When my second born was quite young, my sister gave me a gift of an Ergo baby carrier. Wow, I felt like I was in baby carrier heaven (comparing the Baby Bjorn and the Ergo). I didn't have a newborn insert for the Ergo. So, whilst Victoria was quite small, I had some other baby carriers that were given to me, which I used.

The Ergo is definitely not out of the picture. But, I'm trying to figure out how to strap two babies to me, if need be. Something along the lines of a Moby Wrap might be the right approach.

And, Victoria and I seem partial to red.

3. My Brest Friend Twins Plus Deluxe Nursing Pillow

I got by nursing my first two children without using nursing pillows. A combination of blankets and pillows seemed to do the trick. I didn't see the need to invest that much mulla in a nursing pillow, when I could use stuff I already had. I nursed my first born for 17 months and my second born for 33 months.

A woman at my church is officially my new mommy nursing hero. Her second and third child were fraternal twins, and she provided them with breast milk for TWO YEARS. She said she wouldn't sugarcoat the work it took for her to be able to nurse for so long. Took loads of hard, devoted work - plenty of rest, eating, and drinking.

The WHO (World Health Organization) recommends breastfeeding for two years. The benefits for mother as well as child(ren) have been obvious in research. So, my goal is to nurse the twins for at least two years. I need all the help I can get. K?

Those of you who desire to support and encourage the health and well being of the twins and me in breastfeeding don't actually have to become wet nurses. You could, if you're close by, help change the twins' diapers, burp them, entertain one while I nurse the other or vice versa, help get a twin or get twins to sleep, cook (so I can eat and keep the breast milk supply up), or help me sleep (again, to keep the breast milk supply up), or take care of the two other (older) children.

4. A snap and go stroller frame -

I remember when the first two children were newborns or infants, going places, carrying the child in the car seat was easier than trying to carry only the child who had a wobbly head or wasn't able to sit up well. So, having a stroller frame that can carry two car seats would be handy with these twins. I save the Graco infant car seat that Isabella and Victoria both used. Someone recently gave me a gently used infant car seat; I have no idea what the make is.

5. Pampers diapers -

For sizes 1 and 2, through trial and error with name brands and store brands, I've liked Pampers the most . . . in terms of preventing leakage, fit, etc. I still have cotton diapers that Isabella and Victoria wore, but with twins, I think I'd cry and pull my hair out having to do laundry every day, several times a day. Got to make my life simpler. Unfortunately, the cost of diapers adds up quite quickly.

6. Huggies wipes -

Also through lots of trial and error and the keen observation of my sister, Huggies wipes seem to be gentler on the bottom and also do the job. Bulk, folks, bulk. I'm not exactly satisfied with various store brands I've tried, because they haven't done well on my children's bums.

7. a new diaper bag -

I've had the same diaper bag for seemingly forever. So long that it has a few small tears on the outside and the lining is coming out on the inside. Plus, my current diaper bag isn't big enough to fill the needs of the children.

Since I have seen this one, I've been crazy for it. Doesn't look like a diaper bag, looks fashionable, and has lots of compartments. Too much of an indulgence? A woman can dream, can't she?!

8. body butter or body balm -

My favorite is stuff L'Occitane makes. But, I also enjoyed body butter a friend got for me from The Body Shop. I blogged about it here.

I have a feeling that keeping my skin moist or hydrated is going to be a struggle.

9. Smiling Planet's "make your mother happy" bowls -

Right, well, I must admit, this is nearly completely frivolous. But, I love the design, love that they are made in the USA, love that they are made entirely of recycled material, and appreciate that they are BPA free.

Super tired pregnant mom vs. highly energetic growing girls

2011-08-22T13:10:00.003-06:00

Yesterday, we had a boxing sort of competition, in which there was a clear winner and an obvious loser.

***

In one corner of the ring, we have a super tired, pregnant mom. On the opposite end, we have two highly energetic, growing girls.

Ding, ding, ding. Let the fight begin.

ROUND 1 -

Super tired pregnant mom, at 32 weeks and 3 days with fraternal twins, gets up with the girls at 6:40 am. The younger one is potty training, so the mom gets Victoria to the potty to do her thing. The older one goes to the bathroom on her own.

Cheerios are left within arms reach, in cups, in the kitchen. A cup of water is also within arms reach, available in the kitchen.

And, Mommy goes back to bed.

The girls whine about how the other isn't sharing or is doing something unfavorable. The girls lose toy privileges and gets sent to bed temporarily.

Mommy loses.

The girls are allowed back up. Toys are off limits, since the girls can't play peaceably.

It's 8:40 am. Time to rush to church.

Round 1 is over.

ROUND 2 -

After arriving home from church, give the girls their lunch. Mommy survives by the skin of her chiminey-chin-chin. Barely get story time, before nap time, done correctly. Send the girls to bed with one fell swoop.

Though needing to eat, fails to do so; and Mommy collapses in her own bed. Asleep within minutes.

Round 2 is over.

ROUND 3 -

Late afternoon, a friend and her three young kiddos come over, with the intention of helping me sort through and organize some baby clothes. I pull out clothes that are too small for my 3 yr old. And this Mommy's done.

The other mommy does all the sorting for me.

And, Isabella and Victoria's mommy spends the rest of the time with friends over laying down on a bed, while everyone else is working or playing.

Isabella & Victoria's mommy loses yet again.

End of Round 3.

Just under 2 months to go

2011-08-18T13:51:00.003-06:00

I have just under 2 months to go, before I reach my due date of October 13th. I'm 32 weeks today.

That worry about not gaining weight a little while back? Not a worry now. After stepping on a scale at the midwives' office this morning, I've definitely put on some weight in two weeks.

I'm living it large. LARGE.

My left quadriceps regularly go numb. While standing. Sitting used to take care of that problem. Now? I have to find other ways to relieve the numbness and tingling. Baby girl, get off of the nerve that attaches to that left leg.

Acid reflux is still a frequent guest.

Early evenings are hard for me. Don't feel well and leaves me wondering whether I'll make it, whether the babies will make full term.

Other times in the day, I tire very, very easily. Constantly need to sit and "rest." Desire to lay down at different times in the day and drift into partial cognizance quite easily. What in the world was I like before I was pregnant. Was I this pathetic then, too?

I can feel baby movement in my pelvis. Weirdest feeling, really.

Colostrum has been in for some time now.

I get Charlie Horses very easily, early morning hours, if I haven't had enough water to drink. Even overnight.

Am desiring natural, non-medically invasive, vaginal births of two little babies. Lord willing. Still have no idea of how all the pieces will fall together when the time comes.

Am determined to nurse the twins and provide breast milk to them exclusively. My plan and hope is for two years or more. The WHO (World Health Organization) recommends breastfeeding for a minimum of two years, benefiting baby (babies) as well as mother.

Potty training and overnight dryness

2011-08-18T12:38:00.004-06:00

2011-8-18

For the first time in her life, Victoria stayed dry overnight. We were both excited, for different reasons. I'm glad she's one step further in the world of potty training. As for her, I had told her, if she continually keeps her diaper dry during sleeping time - whether nap time or overnight sleeping - she can wear underpants to sleep.

Today, I put her in underpants, hoping and praying she would keep them dry. Kept one extra pair of panties and pants, just in case. She stayed dry for my midwife appointment this morning. At some point, at the playground, she had a little accident. Apologized immediately, she did. Disappointed she was, that I didn't have another pair of Rapunzel underpants for her.

You've got to keep your underpants dry, honey. Wear what I brought for you, for now. If you keep your underpants dry, after we get home and you go to the potty, I have a third and final pair of Rapunzel panties for you. But, you have to keep those dry. I have no more clean ones for you.

Okay.

Potty training surprises for Mommy

2011-08-15T14:49:00.006-06:00

On the spectrum of potty training, I haven't been anywhere close to aggressive. Haven't made that my full time endeavor with Victoria, who's 3 yrs old.

That doesn't mean I haven't been encouraging her to use the potty or haven't made a huge deal whenever she would go on the potty. In fact, she got a Thomas the Train when she first peed on the potty. Not all her rewards were that grandiose. I took advantage of a 75% after Easter sale at Target, including a set of three Easter eggs, each with a Thomas the train train inside.

When she first pooped in a little potty, I gave her loads of high pitched praises. And, she returned the high-pitched delight. She got a regular, talking Thomas the Train engine. We got various relatives on Skype or on the phone and made a huge deal out of doing her business in the potty.

We've been potty training for a month or two. But, like I said, without any sort of urgency. She hasn't had the bladder control to go through nap time or overnight sleep without wetting her diaper.

Today, this morning, I had loads of errands to run. Much to my surprise, she voiced the desire to go to the potty every time I went. Keep in mind I am 31 1/2 weeks pregnant with twins. Minimally, I was going to the bathroom every hour. Victoria was following suit each time, using the bathroom on an adult toilet. Wasn't intimidated in the least by the size of an adult toilet.

Even more surprising, her diaper was dry for most of the 4 hours we were out running, except towards the end. She wet her diaper, just a bit.

The last errand I had to run for the morning involved buying more diapers. I had this idea of seeing whether she was interested in picking out new underpants. Only to be worn when her diaper is dry most of the time; from her actions, I could tell she understood the message. She was so very excited about getting to pick out brand new underpants.

She didn't show this sort of enthusiasm before.

Once at Target, she kept reminding me that she was to pick up brand new underpants. Eventually we hit that section of the store. Looking at the underpants available in her size, I started reading out her options: Ni Hao Kai Lan . . . Rapunzel.

Rapunzel! Rapunzel. Rapunzel, Mommy!

Rapunzel, it is, my dear.

2011-8-15

I assured her that after she went to the potty at home and took a bath, she could wear underpants until nap time.

She was busy singing for a good bit.

2011-8-15

And exuberant.

2011-8-15

Can you tell the utter excitement?!

2011-8-15

Couldn't convince her to put a shirt on for anything, including a picture. But she was proudly modeling Rapunzel underpants.

2011-8-15

Except for nap time and up until bed time tonight, Victoria has been wearing a pair of her brand spanking new underpants, and she has kept them dry. Never mind the poop I found in her underpants following nap time. I think we've come a long way. Don't you?

I am so proud of you, Victoria.

When Two Peas in a Pod arrives at my doorstep

2011-08-11T15:05:00.003-06:00

I got a little package in the mail yesterday, from Hot Mama. Felt dazed and confused. Did I somehow, with my pregnant brain, make some sort of purchase of which I am unaware? What's going on? Is this some sort of alternate universe?

Then I pulled out the item in the mail bag. It was a shirt I had blogged about at the beginning of this month. See here.
Turns out one of my good friends from college sent it. I was and am touched.

2011-8-11

My pod has two peas. Any questions?

2011-8-11

When looking like Mommy is cool

2011-08-05T15:59:00.004-06:00

From time to time, I wear my hair in a bun, using a hair tie and a bunch of clips. Yesterday, the girls said they wanted their hair fixed "very beautifully" just like me.

How flattering. Thank you, girls.

So, I bought them their own hair clips.

2011-8-4

I suppose it'd be easier to see how I did their hair if they turned around.

Like this.

2011-8-4

What do you think of my little ballerinas?

When putting on weight is a must

2011-08-02T22:20:00.000-06:00

With concern and care, I was told that I need to put on more weight in this pregnancy with twins. On the prospective curve of ideal weight gain, I am not even close to what I ought to be gaining.

***

I was told the same thing by someone at my midwifery group not that long ago. When she asked what was going on in my life and whether I was stressed, I broke down crying. Pools of tears and some of my deepest painful feelings came flowing out of me in floods and like word vomit.

***

I haven't gained weight in a month. This is not good. At this stage in the pregnancy, at 29 weeks and 5 days, these two babies should be putting on weight. I should be putting on weight.

***

My confession is that, these days, I tend to feel overwhelmed and stressed with life stuff. When I get together with friends, I am more relaxed and eat more freely and easily. Lord, I pray that you help me find ways to relax, de-stress, take better care of myself, eat better. . .

Two Peas in a Pod

2011-08-01T14:02:00.004-06:00

I first saw this particular T-shirt in a Hot Mama store; that was before they decided to discontinue maternity clothes. The original price was $38, a bit steep for a T-shirt. As the maternity wear is phased out and discontinued, that clothing is sold only online and it is being discounted. It was on sale for $32.99. Until August 7th, the shirt is on sale at Hot Mama's online shopping for $26.39. But, as frugal as I am trying to be, I'm not sure I am willing to pay even that. But, that would sure answer many of people's curiosity as to why I am so huge with just over two months to go, without having to utter any words to them.

Pregnancy with Twins with 2+ months still to go

2011-07-30T14:17:00.007-06:00

A church friend, her 2 yr old daughter, the girls, and I went for a swim inside this morning. The mere idea of being in an outdoor pool in the extremely hot heat whilst being super hugely pregnant and running after two little girls makes me feel faint. Thank goodness Melissa had the brilliant idea of being at a pool INSIDE.

People, I own only one maternity swimming suit. That swimming suit was from my first pregnancy, which I had picked up towards the very end of my pregnancy. In a size large. Welp. This is pregnancy number 3. Though I am in my third trimester, I still have just over two months to go. We're about to start the month of August, and the babies are due October 13.

Looks of shock entered women's faces as I slowly waddled out of the locker room towards the swimming pool. No words could describe the looks on their faces, and I am sure, no words could capture whatever they were thinking as they saw my huge belly.

Here it is, folks. At 29 weeks and 2 days, with twins. This is the biggest I have ever gotten with any pregnancy. Biggest ever, I suppose.

2011-7-30

I was in utter shock and disbelief as I looked at myself in the mirror, exiting the locker room, just before entering the pool area. You see, my house doesn't have any mirrors that allow me to see below the shoulder level.

2011-7-30

After the initial shock wore off, I got enjoy Victoria's 1st ever pool experience and Isabella's ever excitement of being at a pool. Though I had taken Isabella to a pool several times whilst living in Texas, she was probably too young to remember much of that. These two little girls were beside themselves with excitement.

2011-7-30

Let us celebrate a wonderful water experience, even though I had trouble balancing and maneuvering with a huge belly.

A love-hate relationship

2011-07-28T20:50:00.006-06:00

Victoria and Isabella love each other.

2011-7-16

They are playmates at home. Each showing the other what she's doing. Each often involves the other in play. And, well, the younger quite often emulates the older.

They are playmates when out in public. Though Isabella is not hesitant in greeting other children, especially ones older than herself, she sometimes shows strong allegiance to her sister. Victoria, in turn, is oftentimes eager to involve her sister.

***

Isabella and Victoria also are adversaries.

There is no sole or one culprit.

More recently, Victoria bit Isabella on the arm. I was across the house and suddenly heard repeated pleading from Victoria in the kitchen, "Sorry, Isabella." "Sorry, Isabella." Moments later, Isabella, in tears, came running into my bedroom.

Victoria bit me.

Where?

Oh my goodness, there were obvious bite impressions, two rows of them (top teeth and bottom teeth), on Isabella's arm.

VICTORIA!

***

But, I have to hand it to you. Isabella's not completely innocent, either. She does her share of yelling and such towards Victoria. More recently, whilst in the company of friends, Isabella whacked her sister on the back because Victoria had something that was hers or that she wanted. Can't remember which.

2011-7-16

But, these two girls, who get mistaken for twins all the time, ALL THE TIME, love each other. They really do.

2011-7-16

Now I get to watch from the sidelines, as a referee, what my parents saw my sister and me do for moments, hours, days, months, years.

I love you girls, very, very much.

Breastfeeding doll hitting the US market

2011-07-18T16:01:00.007-06:00

A breastfeeding doll, made by a company based in Spain, popular for some time in Europe is hitting the US market. Apparently this doll is instigating controversy.

And, I am not sure why.

What is the problem with having a breastfeeding doll on the market?

I am not unaware of some of the complaints and concerns about the doll. Read some of them here if you like. Seriously?

Are people who are launching these complaints and objections voicing concern about other matters? Such as girls reaching puberty at increasingly younger ages? What about young kids having sex at younger ages? What about schools giving away condoms?

Though I don't have secret access into the minds of these breastfeeding doll makers or creators, I wager these people were thinking this would be to encourage prepubescent nursing or more milk production.

Creepy? How? I don't see these dolls initiating milk production in anyone, let alone young girls. If it did initiate milk production, I am sure there are a lot of grown women, who are adopting a baby or who have trouble getting their milk to come in, would be on this product like a hot potato.

2009-3-12

By the way, here's a photograph of my older daughter "nursing" her Henry, a beloved stuffed dog, at 2 1/2 yrs of age. I didn't teach her to nurse, if that means I did some kind of demonstration and expected her to follow suit.

She had been watching me feed her younger sister, and this was the only way Isabella saw Victoria eat.

Don't make it more than it is, people. Some mommies feed their babies by nursing; some by using a bottle. That is all.

Stop and smell the roses

2011-07-18T15:33:00.004-06:00

This past Sunday, I went to a lovely brunch for missionary women to share their stories. The team that set up the brunch paid so much attention to detail, making the ambiance, meal, the whole experience simply exquisite. Amongst other things, in front of each plate was a rose. Not a real rose, but a rose nevertheless.

When the gathering was finished, I had some girlies to pick up upstairs. Looking at these roses, I knew my girls would take delight in them. Waiting to see who would leave their roses behind, I took mine and two others, so each one of us could have one.

And delighted they were. "For me?!!!" "Is that for me?"

Yes, my love.

"Do I get to keep it?"

Yes, my dear. You don't have to give it back to me. It's your personal rose to keep.

They were each given a second one to share with A-ma and A-gong, when we see them again over the weekend.

Both girls were so excited.

***

I got to thinking about these roses. The saying goes, "stop and smell the roses." Yes, I realize these are not real, and I further realize that some are breeding roses so that they carry no scent whatsoever. But the meaning is not lost on me.

I can easily get lost, especially these days, in adult responsibilities. But I need to stop and enjoy the little things in life. Participate in some of my children's imaginative adventures. Pick flowers. Twirl and dance. Open the door for an unsuspecting person. Laugh merrily.

Life cannot possibly be too busy, dismal, or grim for momentary delights.

Would you like a punch?

2011-07-17T19:06:00.003-06:00

During my pregnancy with each of the other young members of the family, the random people feeling my belly thing never bothered me all that much. Not really. I found it peculiar that strangers, acquaintances, friends alike felt comfortable feeling my belly, followed by saying whatever was on their minds.

Probably one of the few times, beyond baby age, that feeling a belly seems justifiable.

Think about it. Would you go up to a five year old and feel her or his belly? What about a teenager? An adolescent? A young adult? An adult? Someone older? Anyone else who isn't pregnant?

Wondered but wasn't offended.

This time around, I think the twins have their own objections. Not kidding. I've had the impulse to smack, slap, or hit people who have tapped, patted, rubbed, accidentally made contact with my belly using some object. Didn't matter whether the individual was one of my little children, a sonographer, an older person.

Somehow, this time around, anything more than an ever so ginger touch to my belly is uncomfortable, offensive, and makes these babies very edgy. On impulse, the punch is ready to swing.

False advertising and an insult

2011-07-16T14:49:00.006-06:00

I was given a couple of complimentary cases of this Similac package. I found the "breastfeeding" title on the formula company's packaging rather curious. Didn't mind having a carrier to store diapers and extraneous stuff. But, I wondered how in the world a formula company could get away with placing "breastfeeding" several times on their packaging without getting into trouble with false advertising.

I opened up the Similac organizer. Here's what I found: 4 bottles of Similac formula, a freezer pack with two ice packs and three "breast milk" bottles, sample wipes, a couple of breast pads (one for each breast), an Aquaphor sample, and a bundle of papers (loads of Similac info., a few coupons, advertisements, and a breastfeeding pamphlet.

I'm not surprised by what I found. But, I am appalled by the "breastfeeding" label that shows up at least three times on the organizer sleeve. Breastfeeding means taking the baby to the boob, folks. Where, oh where, are the products for that?

Dare Similac place their formula product on a par with the antibodies and nutrients in breast milk? I'd like to see the research demonstrating that.

I'm disgusted.

Ready to kick the twins out of the womb and into the world?

2011-07-15T22:04:00.004-06:00

The sympathetic, big-eye looks I am getting these days as the summer heat settles in and my continues to grow rounder and larger makes me giggle. Am I ready for the baby (many who throw sympathetic glances or smiles my direction have no idea I have two babies in the making) to join the world ASAP?

How do I answer such a question?

Well, yesterday marked 27 weeks. Here in the US, the age of viability is 23 weeks; so the babies should survive, with some added care, should they exit the womb now. Each one is growing at the rate of a singleton, and each has surpassed the weight of the world's smallest baby born that survived. They should be fine.

I am experiencing a number of pregnancy related physical discomforts. Sciatic nerve pain, between my butt and upper left leg, has been visiting for several days now, causing me to sometimes limp. Add the limp to my pregnancy waddle, and we have an interesting little dance. Need we discuss frequent visits from acid reflux, difficulties in finding a lying position that doesn't cause problems, or struggles to catch my breath?

Sounds like I'm about ready, huh?

Er, uh . . .

No way, Jose.

Not unless there is some magical solution to taking care of FOUR children, five years old and under. Not unless there is some simple, uncomplicated, non-exhausting way to devote time to the two older children whilst constantly tending to the nursing needs of TWO NEWBORN babies. Not unless I can figure out how to stay nourished, fed, hydrated, and rested, while providing meals for the older two and nursing the younger two.

Speaking of which, I really need help on how to nurse two babies. I'd prefer to master nursing both simultaneously, laying down; so they can eat and we can then all go to sleep at the same time. Mmm, k?

To make a long story short, I look forward to seeing what the babies look like outside the womb, but I am in no hurry to expedite their exits out of the womb.

A captive audience of two while the other two are running around with boundless energy is loads easier than having four tots competing for energy and time.

Now that we have that settled, I bid you good night.

The dreaded glucose test

2011-07-06T18:13:00.004-06:00

July 8, 2011

I passed the glucose test, yesterday. No gestational diabetes. I had to fall somewhere below 139 mg/dL. Mine was 106. No three hour glucose test for me. Whew.

And, still no anemia. Guess I'm just super tired and out of it. Because I'm pregnant. With two little, growing babies.

*******

This morning was the dreaded glucose test.

Why so dreadful, might you wonder? There's the gross, nauseating glucose tolerance drink to stomach. Then, with my prior two pregnancies, each of my OBs asked me to do an overnight fast. Ask a pregnant woman to not eat for that amount of time, drink disgusting crap, and wait until blood is drawn before eating?!

My midwifery group was stunned to hear that I had to do overnight fasts the first time or test around with the glucose test. Yes, a fast's required. But, just an hour before drinking the glucose tolerance drink.

That would be fairly manageable. Except I'm pregnant with twins, and consequences - such as acid reflux - visit when I go two to three hours without eating. This midwifery group was so fantastic in thinking ahead and being considerate, they sent the glucose tolerance drink home with me at the previous visit, so I wouldn't have to wait an hour in their office before getting my blood drawn.

I was trying to figure out what foods I could eat, to increase the likelihood of passing this first glucose test (the three hour test is a killer; I'm saying this out of experience). Go for something high in protein, I was recommended.

Three eggs stir fried with tomatoes. Then plain yogurt. The yogurt I usually have contains 28 g of sugar in a 32 oz container. The plain yogurt, by contrast, has 14 g of sugar in a 32 oz container; so, I thought I'd be safe eating the plain yogurt. Hopefully those two things could hold me over for perhaps a couple of hours.

***

I drank half the bottle of lemon/lime glucose tolerance beverage, as I was told to do, an hour after eating. Got a little urge to throw up but didn't. I was in the midwifery office not much later, where I weighed in and the physician assistant got my blood pressure. Then, an hour after drinking the glucose crap, my blood was drawn. I couldn't look at the needle or look when she started drawing the blood. That's right, even after enduring much greater physical pain (uh, natural child birth), I still hate needles and dislike getting pricked with a needle.

She drew two vials of blood, one to check for my reaction to the glucose and one to check for stuff like anemia. Lab results tomorrow, I am told.

That's none of your business

2011-07-03T15:29:00.002-06:00

Perhaps I'm putting this out there today, because . . .

It's over 100 degrees outside.

I'm pregnant with twins.

I'm between 25 and 26 weeks pregnant.

I get such sympathetic looks when people see just how large I am not and when they find out I'm not due until October.

I am sun burnt from yesterday, out of sheer stupidity, forgetting to put on sunscreen (I remembered hats for all of us - does that count for something).

My brain doesn't seem to be functioning properly these days. Research has shown, time and time again, that pregnant brains look different and function slower than the non-pregnant brains. The pregnant brains don't return to non-pregnant brains until some time after birth.

I'm feeling hot and sticky. Did I already say that?

***

During this pregnancy, at various points, I have thought to myself, when people have asked me:

during my first trimester, my FIRST TRIMESTER, are you having a boy or girl.
also during the first trimester, are you have fraternal twins or identical twins.
were you trying?
what are the babies' names?

and I've thought to myself, that's none of your business. Some of the questions, such as whether I was expecting a boy or girls or what kind of twins I was expecting, I frankly didn't know. Not in the first trimester.

Even so, would relaying an answers simply be feeding into our culture's insatiable curiosity and ungrounded sense of entitlement to know everything possible about others' lives?

***

Now I need to go bathe in some ice. In hopes of cooling off. No, really.

Jump, jump, jump

2011-06-24T22:24:00.004-06:00

Yesterday, I hit the 24 week mark. In the US, 23 weeks is considered the age of viability, a time in which the in utero babe(s) can survive outside the womb. Good to know, especially since I'm carrying twins.

Anyways, this is the second time the midwives and I have been able to hear the babies' hearts beating via doppler. Both babies were moving like crazy. The boy's heart was racing around 170 so long as he was moving like someone was chasing him. When he finally slowed down a bit, his heart rate was closer to his sister's heart rate.

The length of my uterus, from the bottom (where the opening would be) to the fundus is 30 cm. Just so there is a point of comparison, a person with a singleton pregnancy (one baby in the uterus) would be measuring around 24 cm at 24 weeks; for a singleton pregnancy the weeks match the length in cm (someone at 15 weeks would have a 15 cm long uterus; 20 weeks, 20 cm; etc.).

Blood pressure is good. The student nurse reprimanded me gently for not gaining much weight since the last time I was there, less than two pounds of weight-gain. I was flattered that I hadn't gained enough in her eyes; frankly, I'm feeling huge.

At my next appointment, in two weeks, I'll have my blood drawn for the dreaded glucose test. My appointments have moved from every four weeks to every two weeks, instead of the standard every four weeks to every three weeks for pregnancy with a singleton, so they can check to see how the twins are growing.

Vote for Victoria in a Parents Magazine photo contest, please?!

2011-06-21T14:39:00.003-06:00

I don't usually repeat blog posts across different blogs, but I thought I would repeat this one, in case I have readers that read only one or another of my blogs. . . Thank you, in advance, for understanding and accepting this repetition.

Parents Magazine*, online, has a cover (photo) contest. I entered four (now five) photographs I took of Victoria. All but one of the ten (in other words, nine) finalists are chosen by a panel of judges. One finalist is chosen by Parents Magazine readers/online visitors. This one finalist is chosen from "weekly Reader's Choice finalists." I was surprised to get an e-mail from Parents.com notifying me that one of the photographs I had taken of Victoria was in the running for this week's "weekly Reader's Choice finalists." But, the photograph winning this week is contingent on how many votes get cast in our favor, over and against other contenders.

Long story short, will you take some time to vote for this photograph? You can vote at least once a day, each day this week. Also? I'm told you can vote 2x or more per day.

This is the photograph in the running:

Directions:

Click on my vote now icon.
Then it will take you to the above picture, posted on Parents Magazine's website.
Below the image of the photograph should be a "vote for me" icon. Mine was pink. Click on that.
Finally, it will ask for some sort of word verification (type in whatever word(s) it asks you to type, right below the printed word(s)), to ensure you're a real human being, not just some sort of automaton.
Your vote is then submitted. You can share this link via facebook, twitter, or e-mail, if you like.

Thank you for your vote(s), favor, and time. Again you can vote more than 1x per day, every day this week. If you favor this photograph, vote, vote, vote!

Love,
Lily

***

* Parents Magazine, besides my entries in the photography contest, has no idea who I am. I am not be paid or being given any compensation to endorse or advertise for them. It's just me, promoting a photograph I took of my baby.

Let's be Frank, Friday

2011-06-17T13:55:00.002-06:00

1. People are helping themselves to touching and making contact with my belly. Even guys. If the guys are strangers, I'll slap them clear across the room; don't be taking advantage of and feeling up this pregnant woman.

2. I seem to be producing colostrum. A bit came out yesterday.

3. According to a source I came across online, the age of viability for in utero babies, at least in the U.S. is 23 weeks. For us, as of yesterday, that means my babies will survive should they somehow come early.

4. I'm not getting go-straight-to-the-front-of-the-bathroom-line sympathy even though I am looking huge.

5. Most everyday, somebody or other asks me when I am due. When the due date of October 13th is heard, eyes get really, really big. I'm thinking about not letting these people know I'm pregnant with twins and allowing them to remain in a state of utter shock. Perhaps I won't even acknowledge that I'm pregnant and explain that I've been coping with life by eating, eating, eating.

6. At some points in each day, I'm all ready getting tremendously sore on the inside of the right, upper portion of my belly. Skip sore. PAINFUL. I think the boy is practicing karate kicks to see whether he can reach my ribs. I'm not laughing son. . . The internal bruising is not what I would exactly call fun and games.

7. I can tell which twin is moving if they are not having a pow-wow together in my mid-section.

8. I'm still wondering if my fundus ends right below my boobs and the length of my uterus is over 27 cm (which was the length of my uterus over a week ago), where are my organs now residing, if any where?

9. I am thankful for coffee. Saves the day a few times a week. Yes, being pregnant with more than one makes that much of a difference. Don't believe me? Try it some time. Oh, and being dragged around by two little ones outside the womb is a wee bit tiring as well.

10. Thank goodness it is Friday.

mothers of multiples

2011-06-15T08:48:00.001-06:00

About a month ago, after much hesitation and reservation, I decided to join a mothers of multiples organization. From a very early age, I have never fit into just one cliche. I was better suited having friends from all walks of life, spanning different ages, interests, everything. Staying within just one group made me fidgety and uncomfortable. Paying an annual membership fee for "friends" or "support" seemed to make the possibility all the more absurd.

But hearing about bed rest support, breastfeeding support, meals support, etc. influenced my decision. Who better to offer support for being pregnant with multiples and learning to raise more than one child that is just minutes apart from another than someone who has actually been there? I begrudgingly paid the annual membership fee and took what I believed to be a huge risk.

Last night was the first encounter I had with a large group of these people. A membership dinner. At a posh Italian restaurant. Definitely dressed to the nines, they were.

Good thing I did not decide to dress casually.

We had our own private dining area/room.

We had to get our own appetizers from a little bar set up for us. In line was a woman who, to me looked like she's towards the end of her pregnancy. Let me put it this way, I look small compared to her. I was eager to speak with her, but she was somewhere in the middle of the line and she was already conversing with others.

Instead, I got in line and made eye contact with a woman behind me who instantly gave me a steady cold stare and then proceeded to talk to a friend next to her. Great, I felt like I had a long night ahead of me with a bunch of plastics (seen "Mean Girls"?), except these women are no longer high school (or grade school) age. The fun had only just begun. I stuck out not only because I was the only non-Caucasian in the room and not only because I didn't have loads of money spilling out of all corners of my existence, but also, I was, for example, the only person at my table who conceived multiples naturally (or, as they say in the medical profession: "spontaneously"). Everyone else had twins, triplets, or other multiples due to some sort of artificial means, whether IVF.

Let me be clear, I don't have anything against people who desperately desire their own biological children, but, for whatever reason, have trouble conceiving. I just happenstance joined a group that believe themselves to be le creme de la creme. I thought about letting my claws out . . . I'm probably more well educated than most, if not all, in the room. I'm probably much more well rounded than others in the room. Blah, blah, blah. Not very mature of me, either. But, I felt as if I was being backed into a corner and I felt extremely uncomfortable.

But, I am not giving up, just yet. I'm attempting to leave room for mistaken first impressions. I'm hoping for substance behind the vacant expressions succumbing to materialistic prominence. At heart, I'm just looking for other fellow supporters. Only time will tell; we shall see.

Only getting bigger

2011-06-03T19:40:00.002-06:00

I'm over 21 weeks now. But, I look as I did well into my third trimester with my previous (second) pregnancy. Translation: I'm looking like I was when I was pregnant with a singleton at 34 weeks, except I am 21 weeks pregnant with fraternal twins. No exaggeration. Got a confirmation from a friend who remembers seeing me when I last came to Colorado pregnant, with Victoria, for Troy's formal interview. Yup, I'm huge (that's my own interpretation or view).

I'm not telling, at this point, how much I weigh; because, I'm still in somewhat of a state of shock from finding out yesterday at the OB appointment. The nurse was ever kind in claiming that I'm tiny and have nothing to worry about. It's just that I'm about 15 pounds shy of what I weighed when ready to delivery my second born, and I am just over half way through this pregnancy. Can I say I'm just a bit nervous?

In other news, A-ma got me a lovely maternity dress today. Perhaps I'll model a photograph of that dress in the near future. 'Til later, signed, a heavy dose of acid reflux.

Meeting with an OB today

2011-06-02T17:17:00.004-06:00

I'm 21 weeks today. Met with an OB who works with my midwifery group. The midwives wanted me to go to a consultation with this OB about attempting a VBAC with the twins due October 13th.

The maternal fetal medicine specialist told me last week - that latest research shows that the risks for VBAC with twins aren't really any greater than a VBAC with a singleton - I was hoping the OB would let me give VBAC a try. And, given that I have already had a successful VBAC (with the delivery of child #2 from pregnancy #2), the chances of anything going wrong (e.g. uterine rupture) aren't much different - if at all - than a vaginal birth without prior C-section. Translation: given all the risks (maternal infections, babies' health, maternal health), after a successful VBAC, succeeding VBACs aren't all that different in terms of risks to the baby and mom.

I have heard people who are not well versed on complications and risks with C-sections talk about VBACs like that sort of option is something akin to playing Russian Roulette; don't know quite what you're going to get and one is gambling quite a bit with life. That couldn't be further from the truth.

***

Before reading on, I have to warn potential readers that some information in this section is graphic. Don't read what's in this section if you're at all squeamish.

I am very squeamish and will likely never know ALL the details of my emergency C-section with my first born.

As I am paraphrasing from what my sister-in-law heard from her OB, choosing to get a C-section without any good medical reason is like choosing to have kidney surgery when nothing is going on. Surgery is a HUGE deal. How about being cut wide open for a C-section? How about the fact that organs - such as the intestines - have to be pulled out of the body to reach the uterus? How about the fact that TWENTY MINUTES is fast timing for an OB to go in and get the baby out, sew the woman's body back together, but is plenty of time to leave the innards of the body exposed to who knows what? I haven't even begun to list all the other things that bothered me about my C-section and about C-sections in general.

***

I was hoping, hoping, hoping, praying, praying, praying that somehow the OB would be willing to at least try a VBAC.

Thank the Lord, the answer was, "sure." "No problem."

The baby closest to the exit needs to be head down for me to be able to try.

But, that's an answer I can sleep with at night peacefully. It's a chance. The door is open. Thank you, Jesus.

The OB asked questions: Why was your first birth a C-section? What was the birth weight of your first born? When was your VBAC? What was the birth weight of that child, the second born? Where was each child born?

No heart beat check. Just a consultation. Five to ten minutes with the doc, and a forty dollar co-pay quickly left. But, I was glad for the news.

***

In other news, one of my girlfriends is expecting baby #3; and she's planning on a VBAC, after two prior C-sections. Kuddos to her, I say. May that birthing experience be a blessing when it comes.

20 week sonogram

2011-05-29T15:58:00.004-06:00

The day before yesterday, Friday, May 27th, I had my 20 week sonogram. If you're somewhat behind on my posts, I'm pregnant with twins, and thus far I am with a midwife group. But, my 20 week sonogram was with a different office, sonographer, and doctor.

Here's baby A. Baby A is closest to the exit. A girl. Didn't really want to show us her face most of the time. Baby A, at this time is also the bigger of the twins, at 1 pound.

Baby B is a boy. As of Friday, he's 13 ounces.

Both babies are very active. Sonographer had trouble measuring either child, because they both kept moving. Constantly.

Each has her and his own yolk sac. Each has her and his own placenta. Both are doing well.

Cervical length is respectable - 4.5 cm. Not in any danger, at this time, of going into premature labor.

Heard from the doc that latest research findings show that the risk of uterine rupture for a VBAC with multiples versus a VBAC with a singleton isn't really greater. Pretty good chances for me, since I've had a successful VBAC already. Just depends on the OB, in terms of what conditions the doc has for willingness to do a VBAC.

Got to run. Some kids need tending.

Gender(s) Reveal Party

2011-05-29T08:14:00.022-06:00

Yesterday was a glorious gender reveal party. Not that such a party is a long-standing tradition, but I certainly did not play by the rules. For instance, I didn't wait until the party to find out the gender(s) of the twins.

Nearly 20 women and a couple hands full of children showed up. Pretty good turn out, especially since I didn't decide until the week before to do this. Wanted to get together with friends and figured this was as good an excuse as any to do so.

2011-5-28

I also didn't go by my original thought of revealing the gender(s) of the twins via the inside coloring of the cake (e.g. pink or blue). Target wanted 48 hours advanced notice before the cake was needed, I wanted to add a layer of strawberries or blueberries to reveal gender instead of simply adding food coloring (a Target employee said the store couldn't do such a thing), and I didn't feel gifted enough to bake an elaborate cake. So, I decided to reveal the gender(s) of the babies some other way. For such an occasion, I thought cupcakes would still be a good idea, and Victoria and Isabella had very definite ideas what flavors they wanted. Victoria was adamant about having red cupcakes; red velvet, it was. Isabella wanted white; French Vanilla I would make. I wanted to make a third flavor (should a mommy-to-be have a say, too?) - chocolate. However, by the time the 48 cupcakes were cooling off in my kitchen, I little energy left to make yet another couple dozen of cupcakes. And my girls were getting restless and crazy.

I know a lot of moms that are health conscious and sugar intake is an important consideration for them. I, too, am not crazy about giving my kids lots of sugar - via juice, much of the flavored milk that's out there, yogurt, etc. So, having icing on cupcakes wasn't the most appealing idea to me. Plus having sticky, sticky fingers and faces to clean. Well, need this tired, tired pregnant lady say more?

French vanilla (the white ones) cupcakes and red velvet (red) cupcakes. Decorate your own. My friend, Joyce, put out whipping cream and sprinkles. And, fruit - such as strawberries and blueberries - were provided.

2011-5-28

I had a guest book for people to sign and scrapbook paper on which people wrote their gender guesses. In the little yellow party favor boxes were party favors that would reveal the gender(s) of the children. I didn't put those on display until everyone had a chance to guess the gender(s) and get food to eat. Everyone brought finger food to share - crackers, fruit, vegetables, cookies, etc. - so much so that we stuffed ourselves silly, and plenty of food was still left over.

Some of my guests. Others ran around too fast or left before I could capture photographs of them.

2011-5-28

Abirami (aka Abby), who became my best friend in the 4th grade, flew up from Houston to visit for the weekend. I was and am overjoyed we were able to catch up and she was able to participate in (and help organize) this gender reveal party. Also am very sad she's going home today.

2011-5-28

I kicked myself for taking only blurry pictures of Isabella with her teacher at Isabella's graduation from preschool. The graduation pictures were taken indoors, without a flash. Stupid kaput flash on my camera. Anyways, here's another take of Isabella with her teacher.

2011-5-28

And Isabella's teacher with Victoria.

She's a great teacher, person, and friend.

And last, but not least, my friend Lindsey.

2011-5-28

Isabella's preschool graduation

2011-05-24T12:16:00.012-06:00

I qualify this post with the fact I still feel it a bit odd that we're holding graduations for preschool and kindergartners. Used to be high school, college, and graduate school. But at various points in grade school? A bit much.

That being said, seeing my baby, my first born graduate this morning. . . I was so proud. She was so joyous, and once she spotted me, Isabella kept wanting me to join her. Whether on stage or what not.

Honey, only classmates and teachers are up on stage. I'll be with you very soon.

See how content Isabella is?

2011-5-24

Taken before going inside, to get ready with her teachers and classmates for graduation. Isabella is definitely growing up.

2011-5-24

This one, my younger girl, towards the end of the graduation program was fed up with everything. Throughout the program, she made crystal clear she wanted to be on stage with her big sister. Wanted to stand by her side, dance alongside her, sing with her. She did not want to be in the crowd, a part of the audience; it didn't matter that there were other little children in the audience.

2011-5-24

There she is, the little preschool graduate.

2011-5-24

Getting her diploma from her teacher.

2011-5-24

Isabella with her teacher and the teacher's aid, both lovely, patient, kind, wonderful people and teachers.

2011-5-24

Her expression well captures how proud I am of her.

2011-5-24

As if what Isabella's preschool did for their students weren't already splendid and thoughtful enough, we received keepsakes to take home. Some persons painstakingly went to the effort of creating a personalized binder for each graduate to take home.

2011-5-24

That is what I call over-the-top thoughtfulness. Melts my heart. Thank you, Busy Bee.

Easy, pleasy

2011-05-22T16:30:00.005-06:00

Yesterday, we spent time on the playground where other children and parents happened to be out, too. First warm and sunny day, after several days of raining (and one day that included hail). Some days, my energy is nonexistent. Nonexistent, I tell you. I rethink whether to take the kiddos out, because taking them out necessarily involves rounding them back in and convincing them to go home.

Instead of conquering and running wild, this little one, my younger child who turned three this past Monday, clung close to me and constantly foraged for whatever food I brought. And cleaned out the house, she did. Wasn't satisfied even after everything had been eaten. Glad she's recovering from the stomach bug with a vengeance.

2011-5-21

Then one of the families playing had a huge bag of rocks, those colorful pieces of glass that people use for floral arrangements and what not, and the girls were super excited. Their imagination ran wild.

2011-5-21

The rocks became money, food, and innumerable other things. In fact, each girls stowed away a rock to take home, and we were already at the car before I noticed. Thankfully the owners of the yellowish glass rocks didn't mind.

2011-5-21

MOMS

2011-05-20T11:45:00.003-06:00

As far back as I can remember, I never quite fit into a group or a niche. My friends came and come from different walks of life, spanning different ages, perspectives, and such. Perhaps that's just part and parcel for the life of an artist or musician.

Since becoming a mother, I've heard of a broad range of mommy support groups, ranging from MOPS (Moms of Preschoolers) to various MOMS (moms offering moms support) groups. Again the feeling of misfit or not belonging sank in rather quickly. I don't like sitting around talking about diapers, food intake, growth markers, and other comparative topics ALL the time. Philosophy, religion or spirituality, the arts, music, counseling are some of the many other topics I like to discuss.

But, given that I will be a mother of four children, ages five and under, in the fall; I've decided I'm in over my head. I could use as much support as possible. How do I breastfeed two babies, for example? How in the world do I get sleep, when I have a brood to tend? How do I juggle the needs of my older children with the needs of two newborns? I need help looking forward. So, today, I took the giant step of officially becoming a member of MOMS - Mothers of Multiples Society - for a year. I'm giving it a try; that's all I can promise.

Gender reveal parties

2011-05-19T14:31:00.002-06:00

I don't know whether I'm way behind in the times or this is just one of those things that hasn't been acceptable by the Emily Posts in society, but have you guys heard of gender reveal parties? I received my first exposure to those words only a few weeks ago. Upon first hearing those words, I wondered, who are we talking about? Not even a moment later, my mind snapped to the babies in utero.

A gender reveal party is a supposed to be a fun way to gather friends and family together and spring the news upon the parents-to-be as well as guest attendees, whether friends or family. Supposedly, the sonographer places the piece of information revealing the gender of the unborn child into an envelope, and a loved one (close friend, family member) arranges for a baker to make a cake with the inside of the cake colored to reveal the gender of the baby. At the party, people can guess what the baby's gender might be, before the cake is cut. Once the cake is cut, the surprise is revealed to everyone.

***

I must say, before I found out what those gender reveal parties are about, I was suspect. Another advertising ploy to get people to spend loads of money? Another way friends and family have to dish out money? A lot of hoo ha?

***

In the last few days, well alright today, I've been toying around with having one of those parties. For nearly one reason alone: I miss getting together with my girlfriends. I don't want to come up with some clandestine ploy to get more gifts. Frankly, I covet and miss spending time with my friends. I was thinking, if anything, a low key gathering at a coffee shop or something. Can people get their own drinks? Perhaps a small cake, with the necessary information contained within. What do you think?

"Spontaneous" pregnancy and little babies growing

2011-05-13T14:16:00.002-06:00

I'm just over 18 weeks in my pregnancy. Unbelievable, if you ask me. Nearly half way done, and it has just begun (so it seems).

Tuesday of this week, May 10th, I went to my midwife appointment. Steadily gaining weight. At a faster rate than a singleton pregnancy. And the length of my uterus also matches that of a multiple pregnancy, with the end of the uterus (fundus) being well ABOVE my belly button. The length of uterus: TWENTY-THREE INCHES.

My reaction to where my uterus ends and the length of my uterus: er, um, er, where are the rest of my organs sitting or staying? My babies are crowding out my internal organs!!! I still need to breathe, little ones; please?

I'm thinking there's quite a bit of buzz and excitement in this midwifery group when I show up for my check ups. According to the welcome pack they gave me when I first came, very few ultrasounds are done, especially in the first half of pregnancy. Don't expect much in the way of ultrasounds, the information said.

For some reason or another, can't hear the hearts beating via doppler or something else, I've had ultrasounds done at every visit. Don't get me wrong, I am not complaining. Pretty flattering, I guess. But, carrying multiples, in my mind, is a bit more stressful, considering possible complications - greater likelihood of maternal problems whilst pregnant, babies growing at different rates, how delivery will take place, etc. I chose this midwifery group for many reasons, including: being treated more like a normal person and less like a diseased person in pregnancy and desiring another VBAC. A VBAC was a very high possibility until we found out I'm expecting twins. Not certain the OB the midwives work with is willing to do a VBAC with twins. Frankly, I'm discouraged, upset, frustrated, and not understanding. . .

My 20 week ultrasound is two weeks from today. My obstetrician consultation is the following week, after the 20 week ultrasound. Frankly, if the obstetrician isn't willing to try a VBAC, I may be looking elsewhere. Even though I am loving the midwifery group. . .

By the way, I found out this past Tuesday, exactly what the midwives have meant when referring to this multiples pregnancy of mine as "spontaneous." Initially, my thought was, how was my pregnancy with twins definitively by accident? Could have had some genetic influence. The spontaneity is in reference to the absence of the use of any fertility treatments of any kind. For better or worse, no fertility treatments needed here. Just so you know.

"But I am a mother"

2011-05-04T16:58:00.004-06:00

2011-5-4

This morning, the girls and I drove to the post office to drop a couple of cards in the mail for the mothers in Troy and my life. My older child, Isabella, asked about the meaning of Mother's Day. In attempt to create an age appropriate explanation for my 4 1/2 year old and my nearly 3 years old children, I told them it's a day we give special attention to mothers for working so hard to take care of us. We oftentimes give cards and perhaps gifts.

Isabella's response was that she's a mom.

I told her that she's not a mom, yet. Perhaps some day.

Isabella: "But I am a mom."

Really?

Isabella: I am Henry's mom.

Wow. Well, um, I guess, that's sort of, kind of true. I guess.

Looking out for others

2011-05-04T14:05:00.003-06:00

2011-5-4

The one whose face you see in the photograph is the older child in the family; in awhile she'll be the oldest (of four) in the family. My sister came for a visit from California recently; been awhile since we've spent time with each other's kids. She commented that Isabella seems to look after everyone else. The night before last, Isabella fashioned guns out of MegaBloks and made one for each person, child and adult alike. Don't know whether that's an Adlerian birth order thing (she's the oldest sibling), or that's just part of her personality.

Are you pregnant?

2011-04-23T20:38:00.001-06:00

I made a couple of grocery runs with the girls tonight, not my usual mode of operation; but seeing how my next couple of days are crazy, I'm looking to lighten the load. One of the runs was at an Asian grocery store. At the checkout, as we were getting ready to leave, the cashier asked:

Are you pregnant?

What, do you suppose, made her ask such a question?

A. I'm looking rather large, like I'm carrying a watermelon.

B. I have been coping with stress with a bit too much food.

C. I look super tired.

D. I was working frompy looking clothes.

***

I have thought, from time to time, of telling people that I haven't been dealing well or healthily with stress, when asked whether I'm pregnant. . .

When deciding to go out grocery shopping tonight, I had already changed out of my "going out" clothes; so I was no longer in a maternity top. I was just wearing one of my looser fitting T-shirts.

***

Her answer, when I asked what gave away my pregnancy, was that I just look so tired.

I won't dispute that. That does reflect reality accurately. One of my friends with 11 month old twins said she had, at best, two good weeks in her entire pregnancy. I can believe it. So far, in my second trimester, that alleged burst of energy (nesting) has not come; I'm not holding my breath for it to arrive.

Play and fun in the sun

2011-04-22T15:41:00.004-06:00

These days, I am often lost in adult responsibilities and concerns and forget the importance of play and giddiness. When my older child begs me to play with her, even if that means we don't have time to go outside to play, that catches my attention. Paper writing, bill paying, cooking, dish washing, cleaning should not always keep me away and diverted from children hungry for quality time with me.

Since I had an overdue paper to work on and a super tired mind and body to nurse, I decided to drink coffee, do just a bit of work, and take the girls to a playground. Still need to work on giving them more undivided time each day, but can't be too hard on myself and I'm starting somewhere. Windiness and all.

2011-4-22

Hope you had as blessed a Good Friday as I did.

Moving towards a booster car seat

2011-04-21T15:39:00.007-06:00

Which one is my older child? Is that a trick question? Are they twins?

2011-3-19

My older daughter, Isabella, was once a tot. She came home in a Graco infant car seat, one that snapped into a base already strapped into the car. In this seat, she was oftentimes transferred to another location, whether a shopping cart or some where else. Easy come, easy go.

Then around 13 months (my mind is kind of hazy), we switched Isabella to a Britax Roundabout Convertible car seat. When she was approximately 18 months of age, we turned her car seat was forward facing, instead of rear facing. I cannot remember all the weight, height, and age limitations. I do know that the recommendation is that a child remain in a convertible car seat as long as possible, until the child outgrows the car seat, for safety reasons. Once the shoulder straps are adjusted to the highest rung and the child's shoulders are above the car seat (esp. if the child is higher than the upper weight limit), then the child has outgrown the car seat. A five point harness car seat is safer than a shoulder and waist straps car seat.

Isabella's next car seat will be the Graco Highback TurboBooster car seat. Isabella has a bit more to go, before her shoulders outgrow her convertible car seat. Also, I'd prefer her to be 40 pounds. And, various reviews, such as this one, do say that the five point harness seats really are more safe, comparatively speaking. But this sort of booster seat is the next safest.

This seat comes in two pieces, the back piece and the seat. As Isabella grows bigger, eventually the back can be removed. The upper limit of this car seat is 100 pounds.

In the state of Colorado, children have to remain in some sort of booster seat until at least age 8. And, there are other restrictions, as well.

Moving towards one another

2011-04-20T19:46:00.004-06:00

Tomorrow, I will be 15 weeks. Can hardly believe how quickly this third pregnancy has been flying by. Past the first trimester and somewhere in the second trimester.

Last Tuesday, I had a visit with my midwifery group. Wasn't aware they are part of the teaching something or other. Had a gal from the nursing school "leading" my pregnancy check up. No harm, I suppose; but, I wasn't a "high risk" pregnant woman, due to age, until last week.

Still couldn't hear any hearts beating, except mine, by doppler. Interesting I could hear my heart beating through the doppler place on my belly. This was the first time I received an explanation as to how that was the case. It's blood pulsing, at my heart rate, through the placenta(s). Found that fascinating.

Since the babies' heart rates couldn't be heard via doppler, they decided to use their older sonogram machine to look for the hearts flickering and flashing.

I was truly amazed. Those little babies have grown quite a bit since last I saw them, four weeks prior. I could easily make out their heads, bodies, and appendages. One baby had the hiccups, and the other one was looking straight at us. And yes, we saw their little hearts flickering/beating. Saw the babies' spines. At one point, the babies started moving towards one another. Sweetness.

I have gained a healthy amount of weight, which I won't disclose here. Some things must remain a mystery. Good blood pressure.

Next midwife appointment has been scheduled. And, my 20-week ultrasound with an obstetrician has also been scheduled.

I'm not keen on sharing any pregnancy photographs at this point, but I'll humor you with my 4 yr old, who, at the moment I took this photograph, claimed to have a "baby" in her belly. That's Henry, her favorite dog in the whole world.

2011-4-12

When craving foods higher in folic acid surprises me

2011-04-12T16:33:00.004-06:00

Towards the end of last week, I've been very satisfied devouring salads. Doesn't sound like me at all. Normally, I weasel my way away from salads, the consumption of which only whets my appetite but never satisfies. Never would I, under normal circumstances, order a salad in a restaurant or purchase salad supplies whilst grocery shopping.

But, all that has changed for now. My body is telling me or perhaps the babies in utero are telling me that salads are yummy delicious. The consumption of them still don't fill me up, but neither does anything else. But now, putting together salads and eating them are enjoyable. Enter the salad for this afternoon: baby spinach and arugula, freshly peeled clementines, fresh strawberries, shredded mozzarella cheese, pine nuts, and some kind of Italian dressing.

I'm also loving clementines. Very tasty, sweet little treasures. Also (in addition to the spinach and arugula) high in folic acid. This is my folic acid intake, in addition, of course, to the 1 mg I'm taking through my prenatal vitamins daily.

Surprisingly, I'm not craving any pastas, rice, or bread. Very unusual for me not to eat loads upon loads of rice.

The importance and necessity of folic acid during pregnancy

2011-04-03T08:26:00.003-06:00

Early on in my pregnancy with twins, my midwifery group told me to double the amount of folic acid intake. In other words, I was to take double the amount of singleton pregnancies. The discount prescription strength prenatal vitamins they put me on - Amneal Pharmaceuticals Prenatal Plus - which contains 1 mg of folic acid. We're supposed to take a minimum of 600 mcg during a singleton pregnancy. So, how's 1000 mcg? Not quite double, but getting there, right?

From what I understand, which could be mistaken (since I have a seriously warped pregnancy brain), folic acid is the synthetic version of folate.

How is the intake of folic acid important or necessary for the unborn child(ren)?*

cellular development and regeneration.
formation of brain and spinal cord.
without folic acid, there is a higher chance of miscarriage; there is a 1/1000 chance of neural tube disorder (NTD), such as spina bifida, anencephaly.

*What I have included here is not to be taken as medical advice. I am certainly not any sort of medical practitioner. Far from it. My training is in philosophy.

Some foods in which folic acid can be found are:

fortified breakfast cereals, lentils, beans, chickpeas, chicken.
oatmeal, asparagus, spinach.
broccoli, canned corn, orange juice, avocados.

Discerning identical twins vs. fraternal twins in utero

2011-03-30T16:41:00.004-06:00

I have gotten questions from friends, acquaintances, and strangers as to whether I am pregnant with identical twins or fraternal twins. Or whether I am expect boys, girls, or both.

Can I tell this early, at 12 weeks? Has curiosity killed the cat?

From the little I understand, one cannot tell the difference between identical twins and fraternal twins in utero by the number of yolk sacs or placentas. Fraternal twins, for sure, must each have his or her own yolk sac and placenta. But, identical twins can also have their own yolk sacs and own placentas or any number of possibilities, depending on when the zygote split took place. The earlier the split took place, the more likely the twins have their own yolk sacs and placentas.

Moral of the story, if the babies are the same gender, from my understanding, there's way to determine whether one's pregnant with identical twins or fraternal twins while they are in utero. Once they are born, however, they can be genetically tested to determine what sort of twins they are.

Breaking out the maternity clothes

2011-03-26T19:47:00.010-06:00

I am 11 weeks and some change pregnant. I started showing fairly early. I'm talking as early as perhaps 7 weeks. No kidding.

Consider this. This is my third pregnancy. And, I'm pregnant with TWINS.

About a week ago, I decided to stop wearing jeans. Though they still button and zip, they are uncomfortable to sit up. Cutting in in the wrong place. Know what I'm saying? Earlier in the week, I made a second decision regarding clothing. I would stop wearing a majority of my regular tops. Though a lot of my regular clothes are pretty worn (moms are oftentimes the last to get new clothes, right? I've got to say, some of my clothes are really, really worn), I don't want to stretch out what I do have.

Yesterday, I started the vacuum sealing process. Away went my jeans and pants. Next will be my sweaters, shirts, tops. I also whipped out my pregnancy clothes, yesterday night.

I clearly remember being ever excited about wearing pregnancy or maternity clothing as soon as possible with my first pregnancy. I remember that novelty and excitement not being present the second time around. This time? I definitely am not jumping up and down with glee at wearing maternity clothes.

But . . . I don't want to stretch out my clothes. And, it is glaringly obvious I am pregnant (if people start guessing I'm at the end of my second trimester or beginning of my third trimester, I might cry) when I wear my regular shirts. Maternity clothes, for the most part (I'm fighting this), are ruling the day.

My very dear and long, long time friend, Abby, gave me a sweet pregnancy gift recently. Clothing from a store called "Hot Mama*." Look at the shopping bag. What a great idea for a shopping bag. An uplifting, reusable tote.

2011-3-26

I got two tops I am CRAZY about. Love them, love them, love them.

My photographs of the first top certainly do not do the top justice. Too bad. It's a lovely black, well-made, well designed top.

2011-3-26

Very versatile. But, more importantly, this top matches my fun-loving, free personality. This is the real me.

The sunlight's making the top look a bit gray, but the top is dark black.

I can imagine wearing this top after I've delivered the babies and I'm nursing. What a comfortable, fun top.

***

This second top all ready had my attention on the hanger. But my love for the top soared when I tried it on. Very lovely. And it's such a departure from the many boring, drab, unimaginative plain t-shirts I own.

2011-3-26

Look at the eyelet flower detail and the exquisite pattern below.

And, look at the fun design on top, as well.

Unfortunately, this second top is not a maternity top, and I can barely fit the top over my chest as I'm putting it on. So, I won't be able to wear it much now, if at all. But. . . I will certainly look forward to enjoying it for a long time to come!

* Hot Mama has no idea who I am. Hot Mama is not paying me or giving me incentives to endorse them.

Fraternal twins?

2011-03-19T12:24:00.003-06:00

I have been asked regularly, since Victoria was a toddler, whether my girls are twins. Today, a group of three people hanging out together asked if my girls are fraternal twins.

No, it's possible that I might have fraternal twins this year, but the ones that were sitting before them are 20 months apart. Can you tell who's older?

Do they look like twins to you?

2011-3-19

Two hearts flickering

2011-03-17T14:58:00.002-06:00

The secret somehow leaked out of the bag, even before this blog post was ever written, conceived, or planned. These days, I would rather have prayer and support anyways, than have this kept under wraps. And, well, how much longer shall I wait?

For awhile now I had been wondering whether I should rename this blog, since my youngest is turning three in a few months. Not exactly a toddler anymore, and she is most certainly not a baby in any pediatrician's sense of the term. And no pregnant person in the house.

Until now. . .

Towards the beginning of last month, my period didn't seem to be coming. My cycles are predictable in length from one to the next. Neither are they typically 28 days. Usually shorter. Anything ranging from 20-26 days is usual. 28 days came and went. Nothing.

On top of all that, I was experiencing other symptoms: super tired, itchy breasts, moodiness. But, all these also have been indications of my period starting in the past. By February 7th, I decided to take a pregnancy test.

The directions on those things say that results could take up to 2 minutes after peeing on the stick to show. I peed on the stick, looked at it and it was already positive. Didn't take seconds.

I was in disbelief.

I don't need any refresher courses on how conception takes place. I'm good there. It's just that we weren't looking to add any bundles to the clan. We were using protection most of the time. . .

My husband was equally shocked. He thought I should take the pregnancy test again the next day.

Um, honey, there aren't false positives on pregnancy tests.

Most places here in Colorado won't see pregnant women until they are at least 8 weeks pregnant. By my estimation, I was 6 weeks. Made an appointment for 2 weeks later, with a midwife group.

***

February 24th, I had my first midwifery group appointment. This group normally uses only a doppler at this stage in the pregnancy. But the chance of hearing any heartbeats from the little one using that device this early in the pregnancy is slim. And, given the fact that my uterus is tipped backwards changes that possibility to none.

But, the waiting room wasn't busy, so my midwife nurse did a sonogram. She warned me that their sonogram machine is a bit old and seeing things clearly on it is difficult. We seemed to be having difficulty seeing much of anything on it.

Suddenly, she said that she believed she was seeing two yolk sacs. Let me get any wax out of my ears. What?!

She wanted the OB downstairs with the fancy-schmancy state-of-the-art sonogram machine to take a look. The OB happened to be able to squeeze me in right away.

My mother-in-law, father-in-law, and younger daughter went downstairs for this examination. Er, um, I was not prepared for a vaginal ultrasound. In hindsight, that makes perfect sense given how early I was.

Great older gentleman of a doctor with a great bedside manner and very talkative. Before long, we saw not only two yolk sacs, but we saw a baby in each of those sacs. Two babies! With two hearts beating. Heard and saw both of those little hearts beating.

***

Went back to the midwifery group today. 10 weeks, now. Love the midwife I've seen twice now. She's so kind, understanding, patient. She did another sonogram for the heck of it, and we saw two babies in their respective yolk sacs with two hearts flickering.

I've gained 2 lbs and 7 oz since I last went to that office. The midwife said that that's great. Good, I'll rely on her opinion. I've never been pregnant with two at once before, and weight gain is a bit unnerving for me. I've been showing for at least a week or so, too, to add to the fun.

The two little ones are already moving about quite a bit. Kind of wonderful, considering how small and young those little babies are.

On this 12th day of not nursing, my little love gave to me

2011-03-09T23:09:00.002-07:00

12 roller coaster emotions
11 giddy girl giggles
10 days amoxicillin
9 months, 2 years of nursing
8 big wet kisses
7 hugs and cuddles
6 twirls a-dizzy-ing
5 cries for ma ma
4 requests for nursing
3 blankets covering
2 desiring closeness
and a break for my breasts today.

(Sing this to the tune of the 12 days of Christmas, for some fun).

When Isabella goes grocery shopping

2011-02-27T15:40:00.004-07:00

The girls were given some wooden play food recently, and they're having a great time with the new "food." No surprise, given food plays such an important role in our lives. This morning, Isabella went grocery shopping.

2011-2-27

And here's what she ended up getting.

A lemon, some eggs, bread, watermelon, milk, and other goodies.

2011-2-27

Isabella's pizza

2011-02-27T07:29:00.004-07:00

Isabella made some pizza while in preschool this past Thursday, the 24th. Pretty neat, huh? Comes with tomatoes, mushrooms, olives, and all kinds of goodies. She was even open to sharing her pizza, even though she loves pizza.

A successful weaning attempt I would have never imagined

2011-02-26T14:59:00.000-07:00

2011-2-23

Today, Saturday, February 26th, was a very interesting morning.

Troy's parents, Grandma & Grandpa, left early morning. We said our goodbyes. We were all very sad that our wonderful companions were leaving.

Not much later or around the same time, Victoria usually wakes, letting me know that she desires to nurse. Well, yesterday, her pediatrician put her on amoxicillin for ear infections she has in both ears. As she was stirring, I told her that she needed to eat her breakfast and then take her medicine.

She seemed cooperative and listened. No screaming, no tantrum throwing, no crying.

Who would have guessed that amoxicillin, known more simply as medicine to the girls, would be the trick to getting her to forget about nursing for one day. She's down to nursing once a day. First thing in the morning.

I've tried offering her some of her favorite foods: kefir yogurt, blueberries, grapes, strawberries. None of those deterred her or distracted her from her desire for breast milk from the source. Medicine? Interesting.

I have heard some friends go to extreme measures to wean their children: peppers on the breast, nail polish on the breast, etc. Those weren't options I wanted to try.

This is one day, one step, we have taken towards weaning dear Victoria. . .

Pajamas Day at School

2011-02-26T11:01:00.003-07:00

2011-2-24

This past Thursday was pajamas day at Isabella's preschool. She was quite excited, telling everyone who would listen about the day. Then, Grandma took her out and bought her brand new pajamas to wear, and that was throwing strawberries (which everyone in this family loves) on top of ice cream. Mmmm, mmmm, good.

Weaning and a battle of the wills

2011-02-16T19:31:00.003-07:00

2011-2-16

Today, my younger child is 2 3/4 yrs old (33 months old).

I am actively weaning Victoria. For some time, she has been nursing only once a day, first thing in the morning not long after she wakes. The early hour of six o'clock or even six fifteen is not a time I want to be up, yet. Once she's up, she's ready to conquer the world. My active attempts involve telling her that she's a big girl now and nursing is for little babies (well, and toddlers, I suppose); but she's neither, really.

Two struggles: nursing is an intimate activity she and I both enjoy. She'll never have that privilege again once it's gone. Plus, my professor at the seminary for this semester said that nursing should be a person's first experience of holiness. Wow.

Second, she's my spirited child. She knows what she wants and what she doesn't want. She does not want to give up nursing altogether. Not yet. Things used to be worse. If she even saw me laying down, fully clothed, she would immediately want to nurse. We're not at that point anymore. She can even see me after a shower and not cry "mother's milk." But, she's still holding on to nursing first thing in the morning as if that's more precious than gold.

She caresses my breast when nursing. She still nuzzles very close to me. What wonder.

Got kefir?

2011-02-03T22:04:00.003-07:00

2011-2-1

Got Kefir?

Disclaimer: I am not being paid by any company to advertise kefir drinkable yogurt.

The girls and I enjoy drinking the stuff, and it contains the good kind of active bacteria in it.

Christine, whose origins go back to Busy Bee Preschool

2011-01-27T13:14:00.005-07:00

Isabella's preschool took part in rodeo days today. In preparation for the event, each preschooler brought his or her own horse or made one in school. The people at this preschool are wonderfully kind and patient. I, along with several other parents, neglected to bring the requisite sock and stick for the children. But, the school provided anyways.

2011-1-27

This is Isabella's horse. My beloved daughter is learning to share, without pitching a fit; her sister even got a couple of chances to play with it. After the immediately following photograph was taken, I proceeded to do what the preschool folks asked me to do: write Isabella's name on the horse and get Isabella to name the horse.

Whilst writing Isabella's name on the stick portion of the horse with a Sharpie, I started spelling her name aloud. I quickly found out that she knows how to spell her name on her own: I-s-a-b-e-l-l-a, without any prompting whatsoever. When did that transpire? How long has she been able to spell her own name. I think it'd be too much to expect her to know how to spell her last name, but she was able to utter it. Nicely done, daughter. Oh, and by the way, after several name changes, she finally settled on "Christine" for her horse's name.

2011-1-27

Building a "Christmas tree"

2011-01-26T17:26:00.005-07:00

2011-1-1

Some time ago, my friend Sally (sometimes known as Manda's mom or sometimes known as Ashley's mom) gave the girls wedgits. Isabella has made all kinds of interesting things; a shame I don't have photographs documenting that. Victoria, my 2 1/2 yr old had been building "Christmas trees."

Completing puzzles at two

2011-01-26T15:44:00.003-07:00

2010-12-29

This is not meant to make parents feel bad in any way or encourage parents to compare my two year old with theirs. Every child is bright, wonder, and dear in different ways. I never intend on making one of my children appear great at the detriment of others.

With that said, for well over a month now, with Victoria at 2 and a half years old, she was completing 24 piece puzzles on her own. At first, I believed the familiarity of the puzzle helped her. That wasn't it.

She would even attack puzzles geared towards a minimum age of four. All the while I was teaching Isabella how to do puzzles - look for various body parts of the same person, identify pieces of the same object by color or shape - Victoria did not look interested but was very much listening. When she voices the internal processes she uses to put the puzzle pieces together, it's not unlike the instructions I gave Isabella. Victoria can't identify all her ABC's out of order (like Isabella did by the time she turned two), but she (Victoria) sure can do puzzles. She has done some brand new puzzles without assistance whatsoever. Not only takes motor skill but more complicated brain activity.

Mirror, mirror on the wall

2010-11-19T10:15:00.003-07:00

For Isabella's birthday, several months back, amongst other gifts, Sally gave Isabella a mirror. Though I haven't gotten around to hanging it, yet, she LOVES her mirror. To the extent that she doesn't necessarily want others - her sister - to use the mirror. The mirror thing goes quite well with her love of fashion.

2010-11-12

She still continues to enjoy trying on clothes, wearing pretty dresses, constantly looking for new "things" (whether blankets or other objects) to feign as clothing.

Moving right along at the Children's Museum

2010-11-10T20:18:00.011-07:00

This trip to the Children's Museum was different than the countless times we've been previously. Victoria didn't spend 99% of the time in my lap or in my arms; she took an active interest in the activities around her. Isabella? She was her usual self; very interested in stuff and constantly moving, not looking back to see whether Troy or I were following. Wait a minute, that latter bit, is that really usual? What happened to my first born, who doesn't dare go beyond where she can see me? What has happened to my baby? Wait, don't answer that.

Here we go. Raising what could be four rectangular walls of bubble. She's very excited and wants absolutely no help. Even though the road is hard for such a little one to pull.

2010-11-6

A scientist? She certainly had fun splashing those bubbles on me. Since they were smoking, I was quite surprised at how cold those bubbles were.

Moving on to shopping. She appeared on be on a shopping spree and cooking spree.

Her mind was racing. So much to do in such precious little time.

Victoria is super eager to do whatever her sister is doing. Even if it means stealing, I mean sharing, or er borrowing, her sister's shopping cart.

We mustn't forget tap shoes, costumes, and dancing.

Are you catching all that she's wearing? Isabella. She's got at least three different things going on top of what she wore to the museum. She had worn a purple tutu from home. On top of her pants and tutu, she has a white skirt, a pink tutu, and a cape. I don't know what I'm going to do with my fashion princess, who's getting started at such an early age.

Ooooh, watercolors.

I won't tell any stories about how Troy left me with the younger one, who decided to make a watercolor masterpiece, along with all of our luggage (diaper bag, water bottle) and the mess we had left on another table (paper cut outs, pens, markers) to walk with the older child. But, Isabella painted a few pieces before running off.

The girls, especially Victoria, hate it every time when I say it's time to go. Even though they're starving and have finished all the snacks I packed. And it's lunch time. Can anyone really blame them? I still remember hating leaving parties our family went to, because I was having so much fun; who cares that it was well after midnight?

Found: "Cheerios"

2010-11-04T21:05:00.002-06:00

My younger child, Victoria, is my early riser. At the worst, she wakes at 5:30; she's eager, awake, and wants me to engage with her. This is where I am glad she still desires me for nourishment.

Too much information? Don't understand what I'm saying? Have some idea, but am not certain?

Don't ready any further, unless you really want to know. Full disclosure about to occur. Well, not FULL disclosure. Disclosure.

***

I'm talking about nursing. My nearly 2 1/2 year old is still nursing. I brought her into our bed between 6 and 6:30 am this morning. Half asleep, I changed her diaper and brought her into my bed, deeply desiring to sleep a bit more. With her came Aaron (her favorite stuffed dog) and a little toy tray of "Cheerios" (I am well aware those are probably donuts, but what she doesn't know can't hurt her). Once she was in our bed, somewhere along the way, the "Cheerios" got misplaced. Nowhere to be found on her person or in our bed.

***

Not long after I picked up Isabella from preschool and we arrived home, I found the tray of so-called Cheerios. It was sitting in my bra, between the girls. Wow. Laughed, I did. Are you laughing, too?

Candy & Tattoos

2010-11-04T20:41:00.006-06:00

Halloween. I haven't any issues with my children trick-or-treating. No problems with the girls dressing in costumes; I love masquerades and costume events. However, call it a conservation, no-nonsense upbringing. Perhaps, in my husband and I coming together as parents, we're embarking on multi-cultural parenting (I'm taking a Social & Cultural Foundations of Counseling, and I'm learned loads, not only about various cultures, but how different cultures can influence the rearing of children in a home).

Letting my children indulge on candy, ice cream, cookies, or juice is difficult. I feel like I'm authorizing not merely unhealthy but destructive practices by EVER allowing them to have such stuff.

I am, however, learning to compromise.

A little bit.

The girls, since Halloween, can enjoy a piece of candy a day, during snack time, after their nap time.

2010-11-1

And, neither child will let me forget such a promise that I've made. If they actually sleep during their nap time, they pounce on my promise to let them choose a piece of candy.

Choose they have. Lollipops. Chocolate. Fruity gummy candies we're so popular with my younger one, though she thought that's what she desired.

The Children's Place gave the girls tattoos I helped them apply. Isabella was certain she wanted hers on her arm.

2010-11-1

Victoria said, pleaded, screamed for hers to be on her belly. She even pulled her shirt up to show me that that's where she wanted her tattoo.

Once I applied the tattoo, however, she was quite angry. She wanted me to take it off and put it on her arm. Too late, honey.

What's done is done

A not so fun big girl's wellness visit to the doctor

2010-09-24T16:47:00.005-06:00

2010-9-20

This past Monday, the 20th, was Isabella's appointment with her pediatrician. For her 4th birthday wellness check. Ugh.

Wait, let me back up. Prior to that day, she seemed fine about her impending doctor's visit. She talked about her appointment as a matter of fact. With the same sort of tone, she also talked about anyone, including me, having to visit the doctor for a wellness check after having a birthday. She even talked about what would happen at the doctor's visit: listening to the heart, checking the ears, checking the back of the throat, getting shots. All seemed well. Until the day of the appointment.

The look of fear in her eyes and in her body language. Poor girl.

She was asked to do big girl stuff at this appointment that took me by surprise. Like pee in a cup. She was so scared, I couldn't get more than a few drops out of her; that came back with skiddish results. Everything from getting her height mentioned to having her lungs checked freaked her ought; her body was visibly shaking and she was on the verge of tears at any moment. Then she got three immunizations: a booster shot for the MMR, an updated pneumococcal (sp.?) vaccination, and a flu shot.

The first two of those shots ended up making her feel miserable. "Mommy, my legs hurt a lot," I heard from about an hour after the shots, extending to the next two days. Then, she was barely walking and anything involving raising her legs (such as climbing stairs or getting in her chair). Never having experienced this sort of response from getting immunized, I called the doctor's office. Quite worried.

Give her Children's Motrin or Children's Tylenol ASAP. That's it? That's all you have to say, no questions to ask, when my child can't get in chairs or walk well because of the shots?! Where's the care or compassion? Why didn't you ask for more information?

She ended up being fine a couple of days later. But, the poor girl never wants to go back to the doctor's office. Can anyone blame her?

Words that begin with...

2010-09-03T21:29:00.003-06:00

2010-9-3

My older daughter, who's three and nearing four, has been doing the following for a little while; and I've been observing with smiles on my face. "Isabella" begins with "i." Mommy's name begins with "l." Daddy's name, Troy (she'll say his name but I don't think she's familiar with mine), begins with "t." "Victoria" begins with "v." And today, she said, "Valerie" also begins with "v." Well done, my little preschooler!

No fear, no hands

2010-09-03T20:57:00.007-06:00

Just over a couple of weeks ago, the most Victoria would grace a slide was to climb the ladder and that's it. What can I say? I'm raising a couple of children who tend after me in caution. Victoria isn't quite as cautious as her older sister, but, she still has my genes.

Then a couple of weeks ago tomorrow, we were at the Children's Museum, which we have frequently, oh, I've lost track just how many times, and my younger one spotted a disguised slide in the 5 yrs and under play area. The slide is dressed as a tree stump and a little grassy hill, if I remember correctly. She found that a riot and kept going down that over and over again.

***

She seems to have lost her shyness around slides since that time. Today is a case in point.

Here she climbs, but this isn't anything new. Yet.

2010-9-3

Oh, oh, oh, we're past just sitting at the top. We're sliding. See? We're smiling, and no hands.

No hands, no hands. And here. We. Go!

Va voom. We're having loads of fun.

Good job, Victoria. Yayyyyyyyy!

Little ones, oh little ones, oh the places you go!

2010-09-01T14:33:00.012-06:00

Sometimes I wonder, ponder, ruminate how it is that I can get so worn out. After all, it's the little monkeys who are doing all the moving, shaking, rattling. Right? Wrong. That's only part of the story.

When we're out together, whether as a family or mommy with the girls, each daughter is constantly asking me to engage with them - by interacting with them physically or identifying what they are doing (who knew charades would be a part of parenting, unintentionally?). Sometimes, running to multiple places in a short period of time does it. Or perhaps multitasking with little ones plays a role.

This past weekend, we went to Westlands Park, where the girls and other children had opportunities to play in and with water; and this opportunity is days from ending for the season.

2010-8-28

The time, for the girls, flew by, skipped by, disappeared.

2010-8-28

Two hours later, when we announced it was time to go - first with a 5 minute warning, then a 1 minute warning (my girls do not like to be surprised when it's time to leave an activity they're thoroughly enjoying) - they acted as if they had just begun to play.

Remember girls, that mommy remembered to give you snacks in enough time, before the hungry grouchiness set in. And remember, we made sure you got home before your lunch hunger and physical weariness from play set in.

Then Sunday morning, before church, we bade farewell to another fun activity - the Denver Zoo. Our membership's up at the end of August, and we weren't planning on renewing, for now. The things we do for our children. The zoo opens at 9 am. It's a half an hour drive to the zoo from home. We had roughly an hour at the zoo before zipping off- at the speed of lightning - to church.

Found a brand spankin' new, baby giraffe, that wasn't there last week. See?

Also spent more time doing what the girls really wanted to do. When left to their own devices, so much time is spent doing other than animal gazing. Time is spent . . .

looking at flashing neon signs,

and pretending to eat

and climbing. What appears to be onlooking interest or search for creatures, is really just a desire to climb. To examine one's physical strength and stability.

And copying big sis'.

But, there were animals that Isabella was eager to see, up close. Flamingos. She remembered the flamingo walk from last week.

She wasn't interested in seeing bears, rhinoceros, hippos, or elephants. Flamingos. Flamingos. She said it often and consistently. Just in case we had unreliable short term memories. Just in case we weren't listening the first million times she shared with us her desire. To see flamingos.

When the bottom falls out

2010-08-26T12:54:00.007-06:00

The day before yesterday, in the afternoon, we went to celebrate one of my girlfriend's birthday. 27 years young. The girls were told there were cupcakes to be had.

So, when their naps were finished, we scooped them into the car, with no snacks consumed, and headed to our destination. The girls were super eager for cupcakes. I cannot describe the excitement.

I explained that we needed to wish the birthday gal a "happy birthday" and wait for everyone else before eating the cupcakes. Wasn't sure that left much of an impression.

Victoria dived right in to the cupcakes. By the time I snapped this photograph, she had already inhaled two cupcakes and was fast working on a third one.

2010-8-25

By the time I had caught sight of what was going on, I told her that was her last one. She quickly shoved what was left into her mouth and asked for another. My friend, Sarah, whose birthday we were celebrating, had made a plate full of these little, apparently deliciously tasty cupcakes. My two girls, the younger especially, were polishing the plate off themselves. Even though there were some thirty people there, adults and children.

When I broke the news to her she wasn't having anymore, she was devastated. No, she was infuriated.

But, as other children played, Victoria seemed to forget about it. For awhile.

See?

Every so often, she'd make her rounds back to the picnic table, asking for more cupcakes. But she seemed to take the news in stride.

After being there nearly an hour and a half, we gave the girls warning - first a five minute warning and then an one minute warning - that we were leaving. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary. Yet.

I picked Victoria up, which she often requires or demands. She had been whining about nuts she was collecting from some tree. I wasn't sure why she was upset, but I didn't take any away from what she had in her hands. But she threw an full on tantrum.

Then the bottom fell out. She wanted down. And whilst throwing a full on tantrum, she started walking quickly in the opposite direction from us. And she kept going. And going. And going.

People were approaching from the opposite direction, and Victoria wasn't close to us. I was curious how far she would go. But, I didn't want these strangers to think we were abandoning our child.

I went after her, swooped her under one arm as she continued to throw a fit, and started walking in the direction of our car (which wasn't close). She was getting angrier by the minute. As if her fit had any room to escalate. So, I parked her on a park bench and put her in a short (minute and a half) time out. I told her firmly that she was in a time out for running away from us and throwing a fit. After than I picked her back up, and she didn't throw any more fits.

I carried a sobbing and weepy child to our car and we went home.

***

I went home needed a time out. In my heart, I panicked. Will my child grow up to be a rebel? Hating and cursing us? Choosing not to love the Lord? Will she run away? My mind was racking and my heart was heavy.